Each Tear
by JoChryedLover
Summary: This is my non-canon version of the Chryed storyline. Rated M because it's only a matter of time before they get it on! Dark themes in later chapters!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi all! **

**This is my non-canon version of the Chryed storyline that people have asked for alongside my canon version ('The Way I Love You')**

**I have no idea where I'm going to take this one, I think I'm just gonna see how it rolls.**

**I'm gonna rate it as M, just because it will more than likely end up with them getting it on sooner or later!**

**Hope you like it!**

**xoxoxo**

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Syed POV:

I threw my suitcase into the back of the cab and turned to hug Tamwar goodbye. I knew that he didn't want me to go, and I knew that my dad didn't want me to go either, but I had to get away from this place, and all of the memories which came with it. Roxy was right; it wasn't fair, on me or on Christian. It wasn't doing either of us much good, being around one another all the time. We both needed to move on, and there was no chance of us doing that when we were constantly bumping into one another. I had tried, I really had tried. But since I'd moved back home, I'd had to put up with my mother's snide comments, and Roxy was still hostile towards me, along with half the Square. Besides, Roxy was right. Everytime Christian saw me, it knocked him back. He had been trying hard with Alex, but I knew that he wasn't fully happy with him, not with me living around the corner.

"I don't want you to go..." Tamwar's voice broke through my thoughts. I turned back to him, knowing that I couldn't allow the expression on his face to change my mind.

"I know you don't, Tambo. But, let's face it, mum's never going to accept me the way I am. Half the Square's turned against me, the man I - " I stopped in my tracks with a sigh. I couldn't believe I was saying this, not to my brother.

"Syed? Are you alright?" His voice was laced with concern.

"I can't do it, Tambo," I shook my head, as though it could make my feelings disappear. "I can't not love him. Christian. No matter what I do. I just can't..." I turned to face my brother, expecting a look of hatred, or disgust at the very least. But all I saw was love and understanding.

"Who you are...who you love...it doesn't make you any worse of a person, not to me. You're just Syed; you'll always just be Syed. My big brother who sometimes makes the wrong decision, but always tries to make things right."

I pulled him in for another hug, my eyes shining from my tears. All of the support which I expected from my mother was being given to me from my baby brother.

"Thank you, Tambo. It means a lot, really. But it's not gonna change my mind. I need to get away for a while, clear my head, you know?"

He nodded as I released him, and I got into the cab before he could say anything else which would also change my mind. I waved goodbye to him from the window as the cab pulled away, knowing that he would try to keep my family together as much as he possibly could. I looked out of the window as the cab made it's way down Bridge Street. As we passed through Turpin Road, my gaze automatically fell to Christian's flat. My mind automatically flashed back to some of the times we had shared together in there. I couldn't believe that I had just revealed to my brother, of all people, that I was still in love with him. But it was true. No matter how much I tried not to be, no matter how many times I prayed to Allah, I couldn't stop loving him. In my heart, that was all I wanted. My heart never wanted me to stop loving him. My head, however, needed me to stop loving him. It was the classic heart vs. head debate, and I didn't know which one I wanted to win.

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Christian POV:

I was sat in the Vic, an hour-old drink in my hand, my head all over the place. I had ended it all with Alex; it was never going to work with him. I was still hung up on Syed, and as much as my mind wanted me to fall for Alex, me heart wouldn't let me. He wasn't Syed, and my heart screamed in protest everytime we touched. Syed was part of my heart and soul, just like I was a part of his, even if he did refuse to admit it.

"Penny for 'em?" I looked up to see Roxy looking back at me, full of concern. I knew that she hated to see me like this, but I just couldn't help myself. It was as though the pain was a way fo keeping myself sane. Of reminding me of how much I had given up when I told Syed that I never wanted to see him again.

"I ended it with Alex," I wasn't planning on telling her so soon, but I knew that she'd drag it out of me eventually anyway. "Oh, don't look at me like that!"

"Christian! He was good for you! What happened?" I sighed, knowing what her reaction would be.

"He's not him, Rox..."

She sighed, turning from me and handing me a vodka.

"Here. Dull your aching heart." I grinned slightly, taking it from her and dowing it in one.

"Pathetic, isn't it? You'd think I'd be over it by now. Over him," I sighed. "It's been week, Rox." I was tired of feeling this way. I was tired of having to fake each smile, each laugh. I was tired of wearing that carefully composed mask, and feeling it slip each time I saw his face, heard his voice, or heard his name.

"If you love him, you do. You can't just switch it off, Christian." She was right. I knew she was. I couldn't just stop loving him. I couldn't turn off my feelings for him, and I couldn't ignore them either, no matter how hard I tried.

"So, I'm just doomed to unhappiness, is that it?" I had asked myself the same question over and over again, and I hadn't come up with an answer. "I'm left holding a torch for a man whose mother won't let him go? How much gayer could this get?" I laughed. Me, Christian Clarke, self-confessed gay-boy was being made to suffer in the most gay way imaginable. Left to pine for a man who couldn't be brave enough to leave his mother's nest.

"Stop it, OK?" Roxy brought me back to reality, and I realised how much my behaviour had affected her recently. "Don't do that self indulgent queen thing. It's time for you to move on, Christian," I sighed, knowing that she was right, but still unsure of where to start. "Syed was the past. Alex, well, he should have been the future. From now on, you need to look to the future. Deal?" I sighed, not answering her before I got up and left. I knew what my answer was going to be, and I knew that she wouldn't like it.

I took a deep breath as I left the Vic, trying to get my head straight. Unfortunately, it wasn't my head I wanted to listen to. I knew how much I had suffered at the hands of Syed's family, but I also knew that he wasn't responsible for any of it. When Amira's father had first beaten me up, I had been so ready to blame Syed, telling myself that if he hadn't married Amira in the first place, then none of this would have happened. But, over time, my head had clearer, and I had realised that none of this was Syed's fault. Amira's father would have come after me no matter when the secret had come out. Unfortunately, by that time, I had already told Syed that I never wanted to see him again. I took a deep breath, listening to my heart for the first time in weeks, months even. My heart was almost broken from the amount of times I had ignored it. With every beat it was there, and I knew what I needed to do. _Thump - Syed - Thump - Syed - Thump - Syed..._It was never ending, and I knew that it never would end if I kept ignoring it like I had been doing. Before my head could intervene, I ran down Bridge Street and Turpin Road, almost flinging myself into the door of Syed's flat. I had to know. If there was no way we could get back together, it might make it easier for me to make a fresh start, to move on.

"Syed!" I pounded on his door, yelling his name before leaping backwards and looking up at his window. There was no movement from inside the flat, and everything was dark. "Syed!" He couldn't be gone, he just couldn't -

And then I remembered. He had moved home. I had heard the gossip that someone had saw him lugging some black bags back to Masood's. I ran back down Bridge Street, almost knocking Tamwar over in my hurry.

"Sorry, Tam!" I made to leave, but he yelled after me.

"In a hurry, Christian?"

"Actually, yeah...Where's your brother?"

"He's...er..."

"Tam?"

"He's gone, Christian. He left town." I couldn't believe it. I felt my heart shatter into a million tiny pieces as I realised that I had blown it for good. Without another word to him, I fled back down Turpin Road, yelling his name the whole way. It was over. My heart had lost and my head had won. My head had been so ignorant of the needs of my heart, and now it was too late to make it see sense. My head could feel the pain of my heart now, and it was deeply regretting how it had made me act.

"Syed!" I gave one last strangled cry as I fell to my knees outside my flat, letting the anguish and the tears wash over me. I heard someone standing behind me, but I couldn't make myself turn to face them. I knew it would only be Tamwar or Roxy, trying to console me, or, worse, Zainab, gloating at me once again.

"Christian?"

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**Thought I'd leave you with a nice little cliffhanger!**

**Who do you want it to be behind him? Who do you think it will be?**

**Let me know your thoughts!**

**xoxoxo  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm going to try to update this on Wednesdays and weekends, when we are all struggling to cope with our lack of Chryed!**

**I had a terrible Chryed-based dream last night :( Our two lovebirds were about to get it together, finally, and then someone came along and murdered Syed, right in front of Christian! It was terrible, and deeply upsetted me! I swear, if EastEnders even think of trying somthing like that, we will be having words!**

**Anyway, on with the story!**

**xoxoxo**

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Syed POV:

The cab I was in crawled at a snail's pace through the busy roads. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop myself thinking back to some of the times I had shared with Christian. Although I knew that those times were behind me, and I was never going to get them back, I couldn't help myself. No matter what happened, I never wanted to forget the few brief moments I had shared with my soul mate. I closed my eyes, allowing my thoughts to drift to man I loved more than anything else in the world. I even loved him more than my God, I had realised. I wondered what Christian would be doing right now, and had to stop the strangled cry of pain from erupting from my lips when I realised that he would probably be with Alex, having a meal out, or a quiet night in. My eyes snapped open, dragging me from my thoughts. I had brought all of this pain and misery on myself, and there was no way I could change what had happened between us. The cab driver murmured something about taking an alternative route, but I could barely hear him. My thoughts were whirring round and round in my head, mixing with some of my memories and some of my fantasies.

"Stop the car!" I practically yelled at the driver, and leapt out before he had even started to apply the brake. I was thankful for the slow moving traffic; we hadn't been going very fast. I stood with my hands on my knees and gulped at the fresh air. My head was spinning, and I felt sick. I knelt down on the ground, hoping it would stop the world from spinning. I could hear people asking me questions, but I couldn't process what they were saying. My head was too busy listening to my heart to concentrate on what these unimportant people were saying. For months now, my heart had been trying to get my head to listen; I could actually feel the constant war going on between them. Now, when my head was trying to get my heart to turn it's back on it's owner, my heart had finally had enough. It was finally pushing that little bit more, desperate for my head to hear it this time. My heart had given one final push to ensure that it wouldn't go unheard for any longer. And, for once, my head was listening.

I got back up, throwing a handful of notes at the driver and retrieving my bag from the boot of the cab. I needed to get back, and I couldn't wait forever in this slow moving traffic. If I was resigned to sitting in a cab for a longer amount of time, my head would take charge again, and it would all be too late. If I was on the move, with a goal in mind, I knew that it would be harder for my head to take control. I made my way back to Walford as fast as my legs would carry me, half-dreading what was to come, but knowing that I needed to know, one final time. If Christian rejected me again, then I would leave for good. If he didn't...Well, I didn't let myself think of that. I was in danger of hoping, and I knew that if I let myself hope and it came to nothing, it would destroy me. I would end up in hospital again, at best. At worst...that little bit of hope that I'd allowed myself would kill me.

Once I reached the Square some half an hour later, I rushed into the Vic. I didn't care that, in Roxy's eyes, I wasn't welcome. Thankfully, it wasn't her behind the bar. I knew that Chelsea wasn't my biggest fan after what I'd done to Amira, but she was more civil to me than Roxy, at least.

"Chelsea, where's Christian? Is he working today?"

"Does it look like he's working, Syed?"

When I took a second glance at the bar, I could see that it was a stupid question. The bar was packed with people, and Chelsea was struggling to cope with them all on her own. I didn't answer her, flinging the door back open and getting back out as quickly as I could. I raced down Bridge Street as fast as I could manage with my suitcase behind me, coming to an abrupt stop when I reached Turpin Road.

He was there, my Christian, my soul mate, my world. He was stood a few metres in front of me, facing away from me, and I was about to call his name when he suddenly cried out and dropped to his knees.

"Syed!"

His blood-curdling cry stunned me for a moment, stopping me in my tracks, and it was a few seconds before I realised that he had called my name. He had called for me in such a desperate voice, that it took all of my strength to keep the tears from flowing. I took a step towards him, allowing the hope to fill me up as I did so.

"Christian?"

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Christian POV:

My heart refused to believe what it was hearing. Maybe I had finally cracked, and was now only hearing what I wanted to hear. I shook myself, slowly getting to my feet and preparing to face my insanity. I didn't bother wiping the tears from my eyes as I turned on my heels. I knew now that they would never stop again. No matter how many people I slept with, no matter how much Roxy tried to get me to move on, I knew that my heart would never be the same again. I was already formulating a plan. I would track him down, no matter what it took. I would find my soul mate again, if it was the last thing I ever did. I turned slowly, my eyes looking, but not seeing.

"Christian?"

The voice broke through my grief-induced haze, and I blinked as my eyes met those of the man I thought I had lost forever.

"Sy?"

I felt my heart start to beat again as our gaze locked, neither of us willing to take our eyes off the other. I was afraid that, if I did, if I so much as blinked, he would be gone again. My entire body was screaming at me to go to him, but it was like all of my muscles had locked into place. I don't know how long we stood like that, just staring at one another. I was trying to remember every line of his body which I had forgotten. I had almost forgotten the way his eyes shone when he was happy. It had been so long since either of us were truly happy. I had forgotten the curve of his lips, and the way they quivered when he was nervous or upset.

"How - ?" I barely registered that I had spoken. He shook his head at me the second I opened my lips, so the rest of my sentence was cut off. His gaze intensified for a few moments, before he started to move. The second he moved, my muscles relaxed and I moved towards him. Seconds later, our chests were crashing together as we embraced one another. Now wasn't the time for words; there would be time for that later. Right now, it was our bodies which took priority. We held each other tightly, and I knew that I never wanted to let him go ever again.

I pulled my head back enough to see his face, wiping some of his tears away with my lips. My hands weren't ready to release their hold on his body just yet; still afraid that this was all just an illusion, or that he might try to leave me again.

"I'm s - " I cut him off, brushing my lips against his. There would be time for apologies, on both sides, later. Right now, there was only one thing I wanted to say to him, one thing I needed to say to him.

"I love you," I noticed a smile in my voice for the first time in months. Even though I had only been back with Syed for a matter of minutes, it had affected more than I had ever thought possible. Syed touched his forehead to mine, re-opening his eyes and staring into mine.

"I love you," I smiled, kissing him passionately. Everything I had ever wanted him to say to me was now being said, in the middle of a crowded street, no less. To my joy, Syed kissed me back with just as much enthusiasm. There was no fear for him now. He didn't have to hide how he felt about me any more, and I didn't have to restrain myself around him now.

I released my hold from around his waist and took his hand in mine. The whole of my body was glowing. I felt like every inch of me was projecting an image of happiness. Syed picked up his suitcase with his free hand as we walked towards the door to my flat. I spun around as I heard a car horn and grinned as I saw Roxy's car heading back down towrds the Vic. I had a feeling that I woudn't be seeing her any time soon. As I headed into the flat with Syed, I felt as though nothing in the world could ever go wrong again.

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**A/N: Of course it was going to be Syed standing behind him! We've been denied our happy ending for too long, and I didn't wanna make you wait a second longer!**

**xoxoxo  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! **

**I wanted to move onto the talky-talk part of this story, but Christian just wouldn't let me go any further until these two crazy kids were allowed to get it on... What can I say, he's just so demanding, and pouts like a child if he doesn't get his own way!**

**So, to shut him up for now, I've decided to let him have his way with Syed before moving on to the rest of the story.**

**Hope you like it!  
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**xoxoxo**

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Christian POV:

As soon as we were inside my flat, my arms were back around Syed's waist, my lips re-attached to his. He dropped his suitcase in the doorway as I pulled him up the stairs and into the rooms in which we had so often made love. Everything felt right again, now that he was back here with me. I knew that I never wanted him to leave ever again, unless I knew that he was coming back in a short while. My mind was already made up; I wanted this to be the place he called home. My hands started trailing every contour of his body, re-acquainting themselves with the muscles and shapes they had so sorely missed. I slipped my hands under his shirt - he was wearing the plaid one that I loved him in - desperate to feel his skin against my hands. He pushed me back against the wall, and he had my jacket and my t-shirt removed before I could even begin to think about removing any of his clothing. I was desperate to talk to him, to just say something, anything, but I couldn't possibly think of anything like that right now. Instead, I kissed him deeply, easing him out of his leather jacket and starting to unbutton his shirt. I felt him whimper against my lips, and I smiled as he turned me to face the wall the second I had eased his shirt from his shoulders. I could feel him behind me, could feel his breath on my neck, but he wasn't touching me. He knew what it did to me when he took control like this, how much it turned me on.

"Sy..." I almost laughed at the pathetic whimper which escaped from my lips. I both loved and hated the effect that Syed had on me. I loved the fact that he was the only one who was able to please me the way he did, but I hated the fact that I turned so weak when he was concerned. If he didn't have such a big effect on me, I would have been able to cut my losses and run the second I learnt that there was no way he was going to leave Amira for me. But at the same time, I was so glad that I couldn't force myself to cut him out of my life. When I think of what my life might have been like had I never met him, or had I let him go, my heart screams in protest. And now that I had him back, I would take this weakness that he brought out in me willingly if it meant that I could be with him forever. I could hear him smirk behind me, and I groaned as he started playing with the waistband of my jeans.

"Patience, Christian," he practically purred in my ear, turning me on even more. I felt myself go weak at the knees from the seductiveness of his voice. "We have all the time in the world." He proceeded to bite and nibble at my neck, his hands wrapping around my waist and slowly undoing my jeans. I had to admit, I was glad that we could take things slowly for a change. Too often, we found ourselves in a rush, not fully able to enjoy being with one another, to appreciate one another. He spun me around as my jeans and boxers fell to the floor, dropping to his knees. I moaned his name as he took my length into his mouth, wrapping his hand around what wouldn't fit. I closed my eyes and laid my head against the wall, allowing myself to simply feel. I loved the things Syed did with his mouth, especially when it was wrapped around my cock like this. He released me from his mouth, and I groaned in protest.

"Look at me, Christian." I opened my eyes and stared directly into his, seeing nothing but pure love shining there, hoping that he could also see my love for him mixed in with the lust which I knew would be shining in my eyes. "I want you to look at me as you come for me." I groaned as he took me back into his mouth, his eyes never leaving mine. I held his gaze as he sped his movements, feeling myself being brought to the edge.

"God Sy, I'm gonna come.." He moaned around me, his eyes never leaving mine, increasing his speed to an impossible rate. I forced myself to keep my eyes open and locked onto his as I felt my orgasm shoot through me and down his throat, Syed swallowing every drop I had to offer as though he were a man dying of thirst being offered the last drops of water. I pulled him back up to me as he released me from his mouth, and kissed him hard, tasting myself on his lips. As we kissed, I backed him onto the bed, desperate to show him how much I loved him, and that nothing I had said to him in the last few weeks and months had meant anything. He fell backwards as his legs hit the bed, pulling me down with him. Without breaking the kiss, my hands moved down his body and undid his jeans, sliding them off followed by his boxers. He moaned against my lips as I wrapped my hand around his cock, stroking him lightly, barely touching him.

"Please, Christian..." I smiled. Now, he was the one who was whimpering, desperate for more.

"What do you want, Sy? Say it."

"You. I want you. I always wanted you..." I covered his lips with my own, igniting a fire deep in both of our bodies. Syed was the one to break the kiss, gasping for air. I reached over for a condom and a bottle of lube, and started to tear the wrapper when I felt it being tugged from my hand. "I want _you, _Christian." Before I could say anything, he threw the condom across the room and took the bottle of lube from my hand. He rolled us over, so he was straddling my hips, and reached behind him and started rubbing the lube over my cock. My eyes fluttered closed and I groaned at the feel of his hands. My eyes flew open seconds later as he raised himself up and plunged himself down onto my length. I saw him wince a little from the pain, but we both groaned from the instant pleasure we felt. At last, we were home. He was still in control, and I loved it. Only once before had he let me go bare, and that was our last time before his wedding, for both of us to show our love for the other; he was showing me that he trusted me beyond anyone else, and I was showing him that I loved him beyond anyone else.

We both moaned as he started moving on me, slowly at first, to allow himself to become accustomed to me once more. I was tempted to start moving my hips and thrust up into him, but a larger part of me wanted him to be in control. I settled for wrapping my hand around his cock again, pumping him at twice the speed of his thrusts. He threw his head back in pleasure from the dual stimulation, and I groaned as I saw his pleasure. As the speed of his thrusts increased, so did the speed of my hand, and soon, he was coming over my chest, moaning my name, continuing to move above me. I took his hips in my hand, guiding his movements as I started to thrust into him, desperate to come inside him while he came around me.

"Come on, Sy, come for me."

"Come with me." He was almost pleading with me.

"I'm ready." I groaned as he started to come around me, squeezing my bare cock tightly. With one last groan and one last thrust, I came inside him, screaming his name. He collapsed on top of me, my cock still pulsing inside his body. I wrapped my arms around him, kissing the top of his head. We stayed like that for a few minutes, just enjoying the closeness of one another. I chuckled a little, and Syed pulled his head up to look at me.

"What is it?" I pushed the hair from his eyes, seeing a smile in them for the first time in so long. I smiled back at him, shaking my head.

"I just realised, I was waiting for the moment when you'd sigh and start to leave." I laughed a little, and he laughed with me, shaking his head.

"Never again. I'll never have to leave you again." He kissed me lightly, settling his head back on my chest. I kissed the top of his head, stroking my hands lightly down his back. He never would have to leave me again, and I would never let him. I couldn't let myself lose him again. I would fight for him until my heart stopped beating, no matter what it took to get him back, or to protect him. Nothing would ever come between us again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi all!**

**Apologies for the delay getting this one updated; I've been in the Caribbean for the past 2 weeks!  
**

**Is anyone else getting frustrated from the lack of Chryed on our screens? I don't care about Lucas and Ben, I just want Christian and Syed! I think, if I was in charge of EastEnders, it would have to be renamed ''The Christian and Syed Show'', because that's all I would ever show!**

**I think I have a vague idea where I'm taking this one now, and there will be a lot more drama to come, but this chapter is really just a filler chapter.**

**Hope it's OK!**

**xoxoxo**

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Christian POV:

Sometime later, when we had managed to find the strength to disentangle our bodies, we were sat huddled together on the sofa, with some pointless and boring TV show on in the background. Even when we were just sitting like this, one part of our bodies needed to be touching; my body screamed in protest whenever we had to be away from one another. Earlier, when Syed had decided to take a shower, I had needed to join him a mere five minutes after he had left me, needing the closeness of his body to reassure me that he was still here. Needless to say, showering had taken a little longer than it really needed to...

Syed's legs were draped over my own, my arms reaching over to stroke his face and hair. I could tell that, if I kept up my ministrations, Syed would end up falling asleep; hie eyelids were already starting to droop. I shifted my position, pulling Syed's back tight against my chest, linking my fingers through his and resting our hands on his legs. I rested my chin on Syed's shoulder, kissing him behind his ear. I had so much that I needed to say to him, but I didn't even know where to start. There was so much I needed to apologise to him for, and I'd had it all lined up in my head, but our lovemaking session had taken all of those words right out of my mouth.

"I..." "I..." We both laughed as we spoke at exactly the same time. Syed spun around in my arms, so that he was facing me. I opened my mouth to continue, but Syed silenced me with a kiss.

"Please, let me say this, Christian. I...I need to say this..." I nodded, brushing the hair out of his eyes, my hands going to cup his face. "I have so many things to apologise for, I can't even begin to list them all right now. So, I'm just gonna apologise for the most important ones." I opened my mouth to cut him off, to tell him that he didn't need to apologise for anything, but he again silenced me with a kiss. "Christian...shut up." I laughed at the look on his face before falling quiet again. He needed to do this, the look on his eyes told me that much. So I fell silent, looking straight at him, letting him know that he had my full attention, and that I wasn't going to interrupt him again. "I'm sorry for marrying Amira. I know how much you begged and pleaded with me not to, but, at the time, I really did feel that I had no other option. But I see now. If I'd been brave enough to stand up and fight for us, for you, then we would never have had to go through all of this heartache. I'm sorry for rejecting you the way that I did. I never wanted to hurt you, but that's all I ended up doing, time and time again. And I'm sorry for all that you went through because of me and my family." I could see the tears starting to glisten in his eyes, but I said nothing, simply wiping them away for him when they fell. "I need you to know, when Tamwar told me what had happened, what Qadim did to you, I felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to say something to you, anything, but I just felt so guilty. Part of me wanted to find Qadim and make him pay for what he did to you. All I wanted to do was hold you in my arms and tell you that everything would be alright. But I hid, like the coward I am. I stayed out of your way because I couldn't face you knowing what I'd done to you." He took a deep breath as more tears continued to flow. "It may as well have been me that was beating you up..." I captured his lips with my own then. I'd heard enough. For him to feel this way...it was madness.

"Don't ever talk like that, Sy." I rested my forehead against his. "I'd have gone through that a million times if it meant keeping you safe. I'd rather have Qadim attack me time and time again than have him lay one finger on you." The pain of the aftermath of Qadim's attack was immense, but it was nowhere near the pain I felt at the thought of him ever laying a hand on my Syed. I knew that I would take beating after beating if it meant that he wouldn't go after Syed. I had meant what I had said; I wouldn't have told Qadim where Syed was even if I had known.

Syed settled into my side, and we spent the rest of the night in companionable silence until he began to fall asleep. I shifted some of the hair out his eyes as my own eyes filled tears of the happiness of knowing that nothing could ever tear us apart again.

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? POV:

I looked up at the flat of the man who had ruined my life. I had gone through so much pain and misery at the hands of that man, and I wasn't about to just let him get away with it. He had used me for what he wanted, and had flung me aside the moment he had gotten a better offer, after all that I had done to help him. I vowed to make him pay, and as I turned to walk away, a plan was already starting to formulate in my mind...

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**A/N: I'm off to Majorca tomorrow guys, so won't be updating this until next Sunday at the earliest.**

**Let me know your thoughts: **

**Who do you think the mysterious '?' is?**

**What should happen next?**

**xoxoxo  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi all!**

**This chapter jumps ahead by a month or so; I really did want to explore how Christian and Syed dealt with telling Syed's family that they were going to be together, but I didn't really think it was that major a part to the story. I might do it in flashbacks later on, but right now I want to carry on with the main story.**

**This is quite a long chapter, as I wanted to get as many viewpoints in as possible, and I also wanted to keep the drama and suspense going! This chapter's a little unoriginal, in my opinion, but I've been wanting to get it done for a while, so here it is.  
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**So the black hole finally comes to an end next week! I'm really excited! In one of the TV mags I was reading it said that the week beginning the 12th July, Syed makes a decision about Christian...I hope he FINALLY makes the right one, and tells him he wants him back! **

**Anyways, on with the story! This chapter is darker than usual, and I hope that it's OK!  
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**xoxoxo**

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Christian POV:

Even after over a month of waking up with Syed next to me, I still found it hard to believe every morning when I woke up that he was still there, and hadn't disappeared during the night. During the last year, I had become so used to dealing with the pain and heartache that I felt when I realised that he hadn't stayed the night, that feeling happiness the second I woke up was a strange concept. I smiled, watching him as he slept peacefully, a small smile on his face. I found myself wondering what he was dreaming, to make him seem that happy.

For the past few weeks, we had hardly left the flat, wanting to be with one another as much as possible. On the rare occasion that I did venture out, to see Roxy and the like, Syed was always there with me. But I hated going out in public; Syed was still over-cautious about showing affection in public, despite the fact that everyone knew what went on behind closed doors.

"Didn't anyone tell you it's rude to stare?" I laughed as he murmured beside me, before capturing his lips with my own.

"Well, who can blame me, when I have such a beautiful boyfriend to stare at," his eyes flashed open at the word 'boyfriend'; it was the first time I had used it since he had came back to me. I felt my face fall, sure that he was going to have a fit with me, but he simply kissed me hard, shifting himself on top of me. We stayed in bed much later than we had originally planned to...

Two hours later, we were outside the Unit. As much as I'd whined and complained, Syed had decided that he had to work today, even though no one else was.

"I'll be home before you know it," he kissed me on the forehead while I thrilled to the word 'home'. It was ridiculous, the amount of joy I got from him saying a single word.

"I guess I _could _do some shopping; we don't really have that much left..." I sighed. Even after all this time, Syed could still wind me round his little finger. I kissed him once more before I let him go into the Unit, trying to ignore the pain my heart felt by letting him walk away from me. He was right; he would be home soon, and the pathetic loneliness I felt when we were apart would be all but forgotten.

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? POV:

I watched him with his hands all over another man, and the jealousy and pain I felt bubbled to the surface. I couldn't stand it, as I watched them kiss, knowing that it should be me he was kissing, not another man. We had been so close, and then he had to go and ruin it all. The hatred I felt towards the other man...I'd never felt anything like it. It tore my heart in two as they kissed one another goodbye, before they finally parted. I was determined to make things right, to make things how they should be. I was determined that, by the end of the day, it would be me who was going home with him...

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Syed POV:

As I walked down the steps, into the Unit, it took everything I had not to turn around and go back to the flat with Christian. We had lived in one another's pockets for the past month, and I was afraid that, if things kept up the way they were going, we would end up in a fight. I loved him with all my heart, but it was still a strange concept to me; being with the one I loved twenty-four hours a day. I knew that, eventually, the silly little fights we had over whose turn it was to do the washing up, or what to watch on TV would soon erupt into something bigger, if we didn't spend some time apart. It would be nobody's fault, but if you spent that much time with somebody, you would meet a breaking point eventually, right?

I shook my head, as though it would shake away the loneliness I already felt, and pulled my apron over my head. I looked around me, at the mess which had been left from the previous night. The place was a state, and there was no way we would be able to get through any more orders if it stayed this way. I grabbed my cleaning things, wondering where to even start...

A few hours and a lot of cleaning products later, the Unit looked as good as new. As I'd hoped, no one had come in today, so I hadn't been disturbed. I knew that my parents, although they didn't understand _why_ I had done what I had, at least were able to _respect_ my decision, and we were, at least, back on speaking terms again. That said, I didn't really want to spend a full day in the company of my parents, not without Christian by my side, at least. I sighed, looking at the time. Already, my body was aching for Christian, and we'd only been apart for five hours. I headed through to the office, intending to sort out some of the paperwork for my parents. If I could just stand a couple more hours away from him, I knew that it would only make our inevitable reunion sweeter.

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? POV:

I was still watching the door, the only obstacle which stood between me and him. No one had enetered or left since this morning. In the hours that I had stood here, he had been in there all alone, all this time. It was clear that no one was coming anytime soon, and so I stole towards the door, making sure no one had seen me enter. It was time now. Time to make him mine forever...

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Christian POV:

I was in the flat, the feeling of loneliness stronger now than it ever had been. It took all of my energy to stop myself from heading over to the Unit and taking him there and then. I knew that he wouldn't appreciate it, in the aftermath, and that it would only cause more arguments between us. I'd had enough of fighting to last me a life time. I sighed as I looked over to the kitchen, knowing that I should do something with the food I'd just bought. It would at least take my mind off things, off Syed, for a while...He would be home soon, and I would be able to show him just how much I had missed him. But, in order to be able to do that, we'd need a good meal inside of us...

Half an hour later, I was in the middle of cooking when I heard someone banging on my door. I grinned to myself as I made my way over. Syed always forgot his keys. He'd forget that beautiful head of his, if it wasn't screwed on. The smile on my face dropped a little as soon as I opened the door.

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Syed POV:

I looked at the disarray in the office and decided that I'd changed my mind. I'd let my mother sort this lot out. Or my father. Or Jane, even. After all, I had done more than my fair share of the work today. It was getting on for 7pm, and I was starting to get hungry - for Christian, and for food. I was about to pack up and head home - to my heart and my body's relief - when I heard a noise behind me. A tall, dark figure was standing in the doorway, and I smiled to myself. He couldn't even keep away for a couple of hours. And more than that, I was glad that he couldn't keep away. I had missed him, in the few hours we had been apart.

"Christian," I breathed. "You scared me."

"Guess again," came a chillingly familiar voice.

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Christian POV:

I sighed to myself as I let Roxy into the flat. I had thought she had been Syed, back home early from work, and struggled to hide my disappointment from her.

"And to what do I owe this..pleasure?"

Roxy threw me a knowing grin before settling herself down on the sofa.

"Christian," she whined my name. "I wanna go out! Come on, we haven't been out for ages!"

"Not tonight, Rox," I gestured towards the kitchen. "I'm making dinner, for Sy, when he gets home.."

"Christian!" she was whining again. "Alright, you've finally got your happy ending, the man of your dreams and all that, and I'm happy for you, yeah? But does that mean I have to party by myself from now on? Come on, we haven't been out properly for months, I'm going crazy here!"

"Look, not tonight, alright? I'm not just some big queen who's at your beck and call any more, alright?" I sighed. Roxy wasn't one to take no for an answer, and as I predicted, she pouted at me. "Look, how about we arrange a night for next week, yeah? We can go out, just the two of us, and you can tell me all about your love life."

She considered this for a moment, before nodding her agreement.

"Alright, OK! But the way my love life's looking, you'll be the one telling me about yours."

She wiggled her eyebrows at me as she left, and I breathed a sigh of relief. God knows I love Roxy, but sometimes, she can be a bit much to handle. I checked the time and smiled. Syed would be home soon. I hurried back into the kitchen to finish preparing things, half-hoping that all of my efforts would be a waste.

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Syed POV:

The figure stepped out of the shadows at the same time as I spoke.

"Allen? What are you doing here?" He was easily mistaken for Christian; they were a similar height and build. Maybe this is what had drawn me to him in the first place. I stifled a gasp as he came into the light; he looked terrible, like he had been crying for days on end. He closed the door behind him, locking it. I suddenly felt uncomfortable in the presence of this man; I suddenly wanted to run back into the safety of Christian's arms and away from this place, and from him.

"You've been a bad boy, haven't you, Syed?" He stalked towards me, backing me up until I felt my back hit the wall behind me. This was wrong, this was very wrong. Usually, when I was with Allen, I felt a certain level of calm, but now, now I felt nothing but pure, unadulterated fear. "You've been seeing men again, haven't you Syed?"

"Look, how...What I do has nothing to do with you. Our last session was months ago, and you said that you didn't need to see me anymore." I tried to figure it all out in my head; why Allen was here, why he had been watching me all these months. I shuddered as I thought of him watching me and Christian. Christian...If he had touched so much as a hair on his head...

"You're right, Syed, I did say I didn't _need _to see you anymore. But _needing _to see someone and _wanting_ to see someone...well, they're two completely different things." I looked up at him, and his eyes seemed different. Sinister, somehow, and darker than they usually were. He brought his lips to my ear, as I tried to squirm away from him. "Don't you know what you do to me, Syed?" He took my hand and placed it on his groin, and I could feel him bulging through his trousers. I didn't understand. He was supposed to help people get away from their SSA; he wasn't supposed to suffer from it himself. I tried to get away from him, to move around him, but he kept my hand pressed against him, pinning me to the wall with his other hand. Finally, the realisation had dawned on me. All of it, the sessions, his website, everything...it was all a lie. He hadn't really cured all those people, those testimonies were false. He had tricked me into trusting him with my deepest, darkest secrets, and now he was about to betray that trust. I knew what was going to happen to me, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. He was stronger than me, he could overpower me if he wanted to. I tried to resist as he turned me around to face the wall, but I knew that there was nothing I could do. The tears ran down my face thick and fast as I realised that I was going to be raped. I closed my eyes as I felt him tug down my jeans, followed by the sound of his zip. The tears continued to fall as he entered me, and I thought one word over and over as he raped me.

Christian...

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Christian POV:

I glanced at the clock again. It was almost 10pm. I was starting to get worried now. He was supposed to be home hours ago. He couldn't still be working, not at this time. I had been calling his mobile often over the past two hours, but it kept ringing out and going to voicemail. I had left him a dozen voicemail messages and a thousand texts. Our dinner lay in the oven, stone cold by now, and ruined, no doubt.

"Where are you, Sy?" I sighed to myself. I grabbed my coat, calling the Masood's on the way out of the flat. To my dismay, it was Zainab who picked up.

"Hello?"

"Zainab, it's Christian. Please, don't hang up!"

"What do you want, Christian?" She said my name like it was dirty, although her voice sounded bored.

"Listen, have you see Sy today?"

"No, Christian, I haven't seen _Syed _today," I shook my head at the way she said his full name; like she was talking about a prophet or something. "I thought he was working at the Unit today?"

"Yeah, he was. Thanks anyway." I cut off the call before she could say anything else. So, if he hadn't been to see his family, he must still be at the Unit. I shook my head as I headed over; no doubt he had forgotten all about the time and was still working his cute little ass off. It was just...so Syed. As I got to the Unit, the main door was still unlocked. I grinned to myself. Typical Syed; getting lost in his work and losing all track of time. I bounded down the stairs, but stopped when I reached the bottom. All of the lights were switched off. But Syed wouldn't have left the place unlocked; he may be a little unfocused at times, but he wasn't stupid.

"Sy?" I called out, turning on the lights in the kitchen. He wasn't there. I peeked my head around the door of the office, but saw nothing. I was about to head back up and go and find him, when I heard a small sniffle from the corner of the room. I flicked on the light in the office, and there was Syed. But something was wrong. He was curled up into a ball in the corner of the room, his eyes closed, but the area underneath red from crying, his hair more dishevelled than usual. I flew across the room and had him in my arms in a second. He shrunk away from my embrace, and I immediately let go of him. "Sy?" His eyes flickered open cautiously, and he looked up at me.

"Christian..." He flung himself back into my arms, and I held him while he sobbed into me. I didn't know what had happened, who had made him like this, but they were going to pay.

Eventually, he let me take him home. I kept my arm around him as I guided him across the Square, and he kept both of his arms wrapped tight around my waist. If it weren't for the fact that he was hurting, I would have laughed that he didn't seem to mind a public display of affection now. When we got home, I gently lowered him onto the couch, poured him a glass of water, and sat next to him. I didn't sit as close as I would have liked, for fear that he would flinch away from me again. I was silent as he took a drink, knowing that, in time, he would tell me what had happened to him. Slowly, his features started to relax a little, and he started leaning more towards me. In the end, his hands grabbed mine and placed them around his waist, and I happily obliged, pulling him tight against me, momentarily happy to have this closeness again.

"I...he..." Syed shook his head, not knowing where to begin. He took a deep breath and caught my eye. "I'm sorry," was all I got from him before he burst into tears again. I held him as he cried, wanting to cry with him purely out of not knowing who or what had caused this pain. The tears subsided, and he took a deep breath as he looked at me again. "It was Allen," he blurted out. "He raped me..."

I felt sick as I processed the words he had spoken. And I was furious. Someone had dared to put their hands on Syed, _my _Syed. Someone was so sick to do that to him. And then I remembered exactly who Allen was. Syed had told me all about him - the man who had been trying to 'cure' him. I felt sick to the core that this man, who had won over Syed's trust, would abuse it in such a way. The tears streamed down my own face as Syed told me about his ordeal - how he had been forced to fuck him, suck him, and be fucked by him. Along with the sickness, I felt a pang of regret.

"It's my fault," I whispered, more to myself than to him. "I'm supposed to protect you..."

"Hey," Syed was the one doing the comforting now, and it only made me feel more guilty. "Listen to me. This is not your fault. This is my fault," I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut across me. "I let myself get into that situation, I was the one who made contact with him, I was the one who trusted him. Whatever this is, it is not your fault." With that, he kissed me, pushing me back down against the sofa. I kissed him back immediately, before I came to my senses.

"Sy, we can't..." I shook my head, trying to clear the haze of lust which had descended. "We need to go to the police, Sy."

"No," he shook his head. "No, I can't..."

"Sy, think about it. When I got beat up, who was it telling me I should go to the police? What about the next bloke he does this to?" Syed flinched at my words. "Sy, I won't rest at night until I know that he's never going to come after you again. Please, if you don't do it for yourself, do it for me."

"For you?" He looked genuinely confused.

"Yeah. For me," I paused, not knowing whether to carry on. "Because, if I so much as catch a glimpse of that bastard on the street, he'll be a dead man. And I couldn't bare to spend the rest of my life away from you." I brushed a hand through his hair, leaving it to linger on his neck. I could see it in his eyes. He knew I was right.

"Come with me?" His eyes were pleading with me. As if I could leave him, now of all times!

"Sy, you don't even have to ask." I stood up, holding my hand out to him. He took it gladly, wrapping his arms back around my waist, seeking protection. As we left the flat, he would jump at the slightest noise. I whispered to him all the way to the station, always the same thing, over and over.

"I'm here, Sy."

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**A/N: Sorry if it was all a little too much! I promise to have some happy Chryed in the next chapter!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi all!**

**Chryed are back on our screens as of next week! And they're supposed to be getting back together on the 16th July! I think July may be my new favourite month! **

**This chapter carries straight on from the last on, as Syed tries to move on with his life after Allen's attack.**

**Hope you like it!**

**xoxoxo**

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Christian POV:

I was on edge as I waited outside the interview room. When we got to the station, the police had said that they needed to speak to Syed on his own, and after a lot of persuading on my part, and reassurance that I would be just outside, he had finally agreed. He had been taken off for an examination, and then through to the interview room I was now sat outside. Through the paper thin walls, I occasionally heard his sobs as he relived his ordeal for them, and it broke my heart. I cried silently with him, crushing my empty coffee cup in my hands. I was at a loss. There was nothing I could say or do that would take this away from him; nothing would be able to undo what had happened to him. This wasn't like one of the times he had left me or I had left him - this couldn't be fixed. Syed was hurting, and there was nothing I could do to take that away from him. Part of me wanted to go out and hunt Allen down for abusing someone so beautiful, but I knew that I couldn't leave Syed, not now that he needed me so much. I could do nothing to stop the images of Syed's torment flood my head, and everytime I saw that smug grin looking back at me, I felt my stomach twist, the bile rising in my throat.

I leapt up the second I heard the door open, some time later, and Syed rushed straight into my arms, his eyes still glistening. I led him out of the station, making sure that he felt protected every step of the way. I felt his movements speed up as we neared the safety of the flat, and I hurried along with him. Inside, in our safe haven, there was just me and him; nothing else existed. Once we were inside, I led him to the sofa again, but he twisted away from me and headed into the kitchen. I followed, astonished when he began drinking from the vodka bottle I had left on the side. I suppose, every now and again, when something this terrible happens, everyone is entitled to a drink. As he started to break down again, I took the bottle from him and led him out of the kitchen. He twisted out of my grasp again and curled up in our bed, on my side, fully clothed. I started to help him remove his shoes, but felt him flinch away from me as though I had hit him, and so I let him be. I kicked off my shoes and lay next to him on his side of the bed, wanting to reach over and comfort him, but unsure of his reaction. The decision was made for me when he started reaching for me. I circled my arms around his waist, soothing him until he eventually fell asleep from his exhaustion.

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Syed POV:

_'Don't you know what you do to me, Syed?'_

_His hands around my waist as he fucks me from behind._

_Driving his cock into my mouth so much that I can feel myself starting to choke, and not in a pleasant way._

_Forcing himself down onto my cock, as I try to push him away._

_The look in his eyes as he finds his release..._

I wake up, sweating and shaking, and open my eyes to stare straight into the eyes of my saviour. I take deep breaths, trying to calm myself as the images from my nightmare start to fade. I feel Christian's arms around me and huddle closer to his embrace. Here, in these arms, I feel like nothing can hurt me any more. The memories of the previous night fade away, and all I'm left with is him. I look at him again and notice that his eyes are shining with tears.

"You were...screaming...you were screaming for me..." I try to kiss some of his tears away, but they mix with some of my own so that I can't tell them apart. It would make sense that, even in the blissful unconsciousness of sleep, I would call out for the one person I know will always keep me safe.

I needed to forget about the previous night, but I had no idea where to start. How did I pick the pieces back up, and manage to carry on with my life like nothing had happened to me? If it weren't for the fact that I had Christian with me every step of the way, I didn't know if I'd have been able to get through this. I knew that, with him by my side, I could do anything. He was my Superman, and I knew that he would help me through this, no matter what it took.

All I knew, in that moment of time, was that I needed Christian. I needed more than just being with him, but I needed _him. _Needed the feeling only he could give me, like I was the only person in the world. I tentatively captured his lips with my own, hoping beyond hope that he would respond to me in the same way that he always did. I thrilled as he kissed me back eagerly, and then felt my hope breaking when he pulled away after a moment.

"Sy...we don't have to...I don't want to rush you...I can wait..." I shook my head, recapturing his lips. I needed to feel the state of ecstasy that only he could bring to me. I needed to feel like I was worth more than some quick, rough fuck. I needed him to show me how it should be, how it can only be, when two souls join together as one.

"Christian...I...I need to feel something more...than him. I need you to love me, the way only you can. Make me forget, just for a while," I flicked my eyes up to his. "Please, just -" I didn't get to finish the rest of my sentence. Christian's lips were back on mine, his hands gently caressing every inch of my body. I automatically moved closer to him, my body able to realise that it was in the hands of it's owner; that he wouldn't hurt me, that I was safe. Slowly, as if any movement would startle me, Christian lifted my t-shirt over my head, his lips slowly moving to my chest. My fingers threaded themselves into his hair as he caressed me with his lips, and I felt my entire body relax slightly. As he reached down to undo my jeans, I felt myself start to shake. I knew that I was safe with Christian, but I couldn't seem to tell that to my body. Immediately, Christian's hands left my trousers and came back up to cup my face.

"Sy, you need time," he kissed my lips lightly. "I don't want you to hate me." I sighed, trying to shake the fear from my mind. Christian circled me with his arms again, and I snuggled as close to him as I could get. He was right, as usual. I needed time to come to terms with what had happened to me, otherwise I would end up hating both him and myself for rushing into this.

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Christian POV:

As much as I hated to, I had to leave Syed in the flat when I went to the café. I'd tried to call both Jane and Ian to tell them I wouldn't be able to help out today, but neither of them were answering their phones. As I left the flat, I hurried down Turpin Road and was about to cross over to Bridge Street, when I saw a figure move towards my flat from under the bridge, in the direction I had just came from. I turned on my heels, watching as the figure moved closer to my door. I felt my stomach twist as I realised who the figure was, and I hurled myself towards him before he had a chance to buzz up to the flat. I grabbed him by the shoulders and flung him into the wall, almost scared by my own anger and aggression. I turned him to face me, and stared into the eyes of the man who had dared to hurt my Syed.

"Don't you think you've done enough damage, eh?" I was practically growling at him, my defensive side coming out now as I thought Syed might be in danger once again. I was pleased to see that Allen had a look of fear in his eyes as he sized me up, cowering away from me as much as he could.

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about," one of my hands made its way to his throat, and I was resisting the urge to squeeze.

"Don't play the innocent with me. I know exactly who you are. And I know what you did," I punched him in the gut as my fingers started to tighten around his throat. "If you ever come near Syed again, I swear, I will kill ya." With that, I kneed him in the balls, leaving him in a quivering mess on the ground. I knew that I should probably call the police and try to restrain him until they came for him, but I was afraid that I would do more than throw a couple of punches at him, if I was left with him for any length of time. I made my way back upstairs, my earlier mission to the café all but forgotten. Now that I knew that Allen was lurking around, I wasn't going to leave Syed on his own. I knew that he wouldn't be able to get into the flat, not easily, at least, but when I imagined how Syed would react if he so much as heard his voice on the flat's intercom system...it made my skin shudder.

A few days later, we got the call that Allen had been arrested. Although he had denied all charges, the police were confident that, with the evidence and DNA samples given by Syed at the station, Allen would be convicted anyway. They warned us of the possibility of a trial, but said that it was possible that Allen would change his statement once he had met with his lawyer. Two days after that first call, we got another call to say that Allen had indeed changed his statement, and that the case would not need to go to court. He was sentenced to a minimum of 5 years in prision, and was placed on the sex offenders register. Syed and I both breathed a sigh of relief, and I felt that, now, Syed would finally be able to move on with the rest of his life, and I would be with him every step of the way.

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**A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read/favourited/reviewed this story so far. I'm not so much driven by reviews as much as others, but reading them really does make my day :) **

**I think I'm gonna have a couple of happier chapters, but then, innevitably, something else has to stand in the way of true love. As they say, the course of true love never runs smoothly!**

**Let me know your predicitons on what else could possibly happen to these two crazy kids!**

**xoxoxo  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi all!**

**Sorry for the delay in posting an update! **

**Hope you enjoy this chapter :) The timing's a little off from the original canon storyline, but I hope you don't mind that! Also quite a long chapter by my standards!**

**xoxoxo**

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Christian POV:

The next few months passed in a blur. They were, without a doubt, the happiest months of my life. There was still the occasional nightmare there for Syed in the beginning, but once we'd both eventually managed to come to terms with his ordeal, we found that we were stronger than ever. I was so proud of Syed, for how he had dealt with everything that had happened to him in the last few months, from dealing with his family's reaction to our relationship, to the way he had handled his ordeal. I knew that he thought that all of his progress was down to me, but I knew that he would have been able to cope even without my help. Syed was strong, and that was one of the things I loved about him. I felt him start to stir beside me, his arms reaching for me and encircling me the way they did each morning. I snuggled closer to his embrace, my eyes still closed, my body grateful for the additional contact. I heard a low sigh behind me, and I realised that we weren't going to be leaving bed any time soon...

Sometime later, Syed announced that he was going into town, which I was grateful for. Today was our two year anniversary, and I wanted to do something special for him. Well, technically, it was our 6 month anniversary, but it had been two years to the day since our first kiss, which marked the moment that my heart had belonged to him. From that first kiss, I had known that there was something special about Syed. I had felt a spark of electricity between us when our lips met, and from that moment, he had been in every thought that had crossed my mind. I knew that regular couples wouldn't be inclined to celebrating two years of heartache, but we weren't most couples, and I for one was grateful for everything we had gone through. If it hadn't been for all of that heartache, we might not have ended up where we were today. Syed came out of the bathroom, sauntering over to me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Fancy joining me? You are, after all, my 'gay-guru', and I may need your undisputed fashion advice," he grinned at me, a knowing look in his eyes. I was relieved that Syed had gotten over his adversity to public displays of affection, but it certainly made it hard to contain some of my more primal feelings for him.

"You know I'd love nothing more," I pecked him on the forehead, my arms wrapping around his waist automatically. "But I've already told Roxy I'd work a shift for her today, what with Chelsea leaving...Sorry." Syed pouted at me, and I captured his lips between my own.

"Ok, fine, but don't blame me if I come back with mis-matching stuff!" He pecked my lips once more before grabbing his jacket and leaving the flat. I shook myself, already feeling the absence of him. I jumped slightly as, seconds later, my phone vibrated on the top of the table. Flicking it open, I grinned at the screen.

_One new message  
Syed_

_I love you_

I sent a hasty reply, telling him the same, before texting Tamwar and reminding him of his task. My task of getting Syed out of the flat had gone smoothly, and I now had all afternoon to prepare something special for him. I had almost gone to Zainab, and asked her to help me to prepare his favourite meal for him, but considering that we were hardly on speaking terms with his parents, I didn't think that was such a good idea.

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Syed POV:

I had been shopping for 3 hours, coming up with nothing. I was desperate for a change in my wardrobe, with too many bad memories being associated with too many of my clothes. I knew that it was silly, but I felt like replacing the clothes would enable me to replace the memories, too. I had already binned the clothes I'd been wearing the day of my attack, even though I loved that shirt dearly. But when I wore them, I felt dirty and worthless, which brought all of the memories rushing back. I checked my watch. It was 4pm. I was about to give up and go home for the day, hoping that Christian had already got off work, when my phone started ringing in my pocket. Tamwar answered, asking to meet me for a coffee before mum summoned him home for the evening. I rolled my eyes, agreeing to meet him in the Café on Bridge Street, hailing down a cab as I did so.

Tamwar was already in the Café when I arrived half an hour later, and he sat up straight as I took the seat across from him. He didn't quite look like his usual self; he looked less...bouncy than usual, more uptight. I clapped him on the shoulder, trying to lighten the mood.

"Cheer up, it might never happen," I grinned at him, my grin soon fading when I realised that he wasn't cheering up any time soon. "What is it, Tam? Has something happened with mum? Kamil?"

"No," he shook his head, giving me a small smile that I knew wasn't genuine. I knew he was trying to keep up appearances, a lesson we had learned from mum early on in life. "I guess...I'm just worried about Libby, I suppose..." I let him have a minute to work out what he was going to say. Although we hadn't always been close, I knew when my brother had something that he needed to get off his chest, and I knew that it was best to let him do it in his own time. "When you..." He paused, rephrasing his question. "You and Christian...how did you know he was...you know?" He was trying to ask me how I knew that Christian was the one I wanted to be with...the one I was meant to be with. And I didn't know how to answer him...

"Tam, it's not easy. Alright? I mean, this isn't something you can get out of a textbook. Stuff like this...you just..._know..._" I knew that I wasn't being much help to him, but it was the best I could do. "When it's right, your feel it in _here_," I clapped my hand over my heart so he got the gist of what I was saying.

"But...even though you knew it was wrong, that it was against Allah's law...you still found the strength to reach out and grab what you wanted?"

"That's the thing about love, Tambo. You can't help who you love," he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. I knew that he either didn't really believe that I was in love with Christian, or he didn't want to believe me. "Even though the Quran says that it's wrong for me to love Christian, I don't believe that I can go to hell just because I've had love in my life. Even though mum and dad disowned me, even though I lost my family and my standing in the community, even though I get looked down upon whenever I go to Mosque, none of these things can make me stop loving who I love. Allah knows I tried not to love him, but some things you can't control, Tam."

Tamwar was silent for a moment as he mulled this over in his head. I knew that it was a lot to take in; I had tried time and time again to take it in, to change how I felt, to try to ignore my feelings. But now that I had embraced who I was, I was happier than I had been in my life.

"So...even though you knew that mum and dad would disapprove, you still couldn't change how you felt? Who you loved?"

"No, Tambo. That's what almost killed me. Trying to change the way I felt, _who I was_...it almost killed me. That's why I ended up in the hospital..." It felt good, in a weird way, to admit why I had tried to take my own life. It was the first time I'd told anyone why I'd done what I did; I hadn't even told Christian yet. "If you try to run away from who you are, eventually it'll drive you mad."

"Thanks, Syed," Tamwar shifted again, checking his watch and jumping up. "I, er...I gotta go. You know what mum's like..." He was out of the door before I could say goodbye to him. I sat for a moment, a little confused as to the point of the conversation. Shaking my head, I left the Café, heading down Bridge Street towards the flat. My little heart to heart with Tamwar had lasted half an hour, and it was now 5pm. I was starting to get hungry, and started going through the things we had in. Maybe I'd get a takeaway. Hopefully Christian was already home, and we could order one together. Or, hopefully, we wouldn't even get to the ordering stage...

The lights inside the flat were all switched off when I got back to the flat. It wasn't exactly dark outside, but we always tended to have the lights on due to the position of the flat; we didn't tend to get that much light to start with. I sighed a little; I'd been looking forward to seeing Christian. I was about to turn and go back to the Vic to find him, but decided on a shower first. I'd been walking around pretty much all day, and when you were surrounded by people, it was difficult to keep cool. I let myself in, softly closing the door behind me, closing my eyes and letting the silence of the flat wash over me. After all of the hustle and bustle of town, it was a welcomed change. I spun around when I heard a noise behind me, and the breath was almost knocked out of me by the sight that greeted me. Christian was standing there, a huge expectant smile on his face, his arms open wide to greet me. As I crossed to him, I took in the sight around me. He had lit some candles around the flat, so that everything was steeped in their sensual light. The table was laid out so perfectly that even my mother would struggle to find fault with it. There were petals scattered over the bed, which some might find corny or cheesy, but I found hugely romantic. I folded myself into Christian's embrace, my arms locking around his waist as I looked up into his eyes.

"What's all this? Not that I object..." he reached down and brushed some hair out of my eyes.

"I love you, Sy. And I know that the last two years haven't exactly been the most perfect, but I don't think I would change them for the world," he pecked my lips softly, and I pouted slightly when he pulled away almost immediately. "I know we've only been together properly for 6 months, but it's two years to the day since our first kiss, and I thought that it deserved to be marked..." There were no words to describe how I felt about this man right now. I stood on my tip-topes to touch my lips to his, finding it easier than usual to get carried away. For once, he was the first to pull away, leading me to the table.

Once we had finished our meal, Christian suggested that we go to the Vic to celebrate.

"Christian..." I moaned. "Do we have to?"

"It's what most couples do, Sy," he laughed at me. "C'mon, we'll just go for one, and then you can have your wicked way with me..." The way he kissed me was so good it should be illegal (although I wasn't exactly complaining). I'm sure it could be called a form of coercion.

"Alright," I sighed once our lips parted. "_One _drink," I made sure that I emphasised the _one_. He grinned at me as he edged me out of the door, already missing the privacy of the flat.

As soon as I entered the Vic, I knew this was a bad idea. Roxy was beaming at us from behind the bar, but that wasn't the problem. The problem was that my parents were stood at the other end of the bar, and were staring daggers at Christian.

"C'mon, this was a bad idea," I turned, starting to lead Christian out of the bar, but he put his strong hand over mine and pulled me back in.

"No Sy. This is my local. We have every right to drink in here," he almost yelled the last part. I shifted uncomfortably as he led me to the bar, keeping my hand locked in his. "Make mine a double, Rox. We're celebrating!" he flashed her a knowing grin and she squealed in delight, pouring our drinks and coming around to join us on our side of the bar.

"So come on, what's the occasion?" Roxy was practically vibrating out of her excitement. I had always known what Roxy was like once she got excited, but seeing her and Christian together like this was a little hard to take in. She seemed to connect with him on a level I couldn't even begin to understand.

"Well," Christian's arm wound its way around my waist, and from the corner of my eye, I saw my parents shift uncomfortably. "People usually do tend to celebrate on their anniversary, y'know." If it were possible, Roxy was bouncing around even more. Before I could open my mouth to correct Christian, Roxy had already yelled for Tracey to bring a bottle of champagne over so that we could celebrate. Meaning, so that she and Christian could have an excuse to get bladdered, since she knew fine well that I didn't drink. I sipped at my orange juice, pretending to be interested in whatever conversation Christian and Roxy were having, all the while meeting my mother's stares and my father's nervous glances. I was paying so little attention that I didn't even realise that Christian and Roxy had stood up to have a game of darts until I noticed the coldness and loneliness my body felt, caused by Christian's absence. I sighed to myself. How had things ended up like this? I was happy, of course, that Christian and I were finally together, but I couldn't help the regret I felt towards my parents. I'd already put them through so much in the past, that this was like kicking them when they were down.

Before I could change my mind, I got up and walked over to their table, trying to look strong and determined, but sure that I was failing without my Superman by my side.

"Mum, Dad," I nodded at each of them. "Salam-Aleikum." I decided to ignore the fact that my parents didn't give me the honour of returning my greeting. "Can I get you a drink?"

My mother opened her mouth to speak, but my father cut across her.

"We're fine," I couldn't help but flinch at the coldness of his voice. I ignored the 'we don't take drinks from people like you' that was implicated in his answer, turning to my mother instead.

"How are you? How's Kamil?" I was desperate to see my baby brother, understanding why Tam was reluctant to bring him over. My mother didn't answer me, instead turning her face away from me in a childish fashion, as though her inability to see me would mean that I no longer existed.

"Was there something you wanted, Syed?" My father's tone was harsh, blunt and to the point. There was no love left in his voice.

"Can't we just...talk?" I was getting a little desperate now. I loved Christian more than anything else in the world, and I didn't regret my decision, but I still missed my family, and wished that things could be different between us. I'd give almost anything to have them speak to me again, the only problem was, the one thing they wanted me to give up was the one thing I knew I couldn't live without.

"I think we've said everything that we need to, don't you?"

"If I just knew why you _hated_ me so much..." I felt the tears starting to prick my eyes. I was desperate not to fall apart in front of them.

"Oh, I don't hate you, Syed. I've disowned you. You are nothing to me." Although I knew they were only words, that somewhere deep down, my father did still love me, I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I could walk out of this pub and get killed by a bus, and I was sure that on the outside, my father would still show indifference. In that moment, all of the respect I had for my father diminished.

"Alright. You've disowned me. I understand. But you could at least let Mum and Tam make their own decisions about whether or not I'm still a part of their lives. And Kamil, when he grows up."

My father stood up to face me, his eyes flashing with rage. I felt myself cringe away a little, but I didn't back down. If hitting me would make him feel better, he could be my guest. But he didn't hit me. Instead, he screamed at me.

"**Do not disrespect me, Syed! I am the head of this family! They will do as I tell them, and they will not see you. You are dead to us!**"

With his last words still ringing in my ears, I ran out of the pub before the tears ran from my eyes. I heard the door open behind me, but I didn't want to see anyone right now. I ran down Bridge Street and Turpin Road, flinging myself into the flat and curling up on the bed. I knew that he had followed me before I heard the door close and I felt him next to me, but I couldn't bring myself to face him. He didn't try to move me or get me to talk, he didn't even touch me. He just sat next to me and let me get it out of my system. I had known that my father had been disgraced by my behaviour, but I didn't know just how much I disgusted him. I shook my head. I was better off out of it. Christian was my family now, the only one who mattered to me. Somehow finding the strength to stop the tears, I pulled myself up and cupped his chin with my hands, kissing him lightly. He kissed me back, but stopped himself before he got too carried away.

"Sy, what your dad said..."

"It doesn't matter," I shook my head, giving him a weak smile. "_You _are my family now. You're all I need. As long as I have you, everything will be ok."

"Always."

That word was all I needed to hear. I launched myself at him again, pushing myself as close to him as I could get. He kissed me back immediately, my hands winding around his waist, his hands pulling at my hair. I pulled myself onto his lap, grinding my hardness into him, grinning as I felt him gasp around my tongue. We were both stripped within seconds, and as Christian made love to me, I felt more at peace than I had done all day.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi all!**

**Sorry for the delay in posting an update! **

**Hope you enjoy this chapter :) I've skipped ahead a couple of months again, but I hope you don't mind that! Also quite a long chapter by my standards! Wanted to get this posted up before tonight's episode, so that you guys wouldn't think I was stealing any ideas (not that I think that this will actually happen!) but I didn't have time. I haven't watched the episode yet, so I have no idea what happened. **

**xoxoxo**

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Christian POV:

I was happy as can be as I walked back into the flat. The months since Syed's ordeal had been the happiest of my life. I'd thought that happiness that we'd both been experiencing had been too good to be true. I was right. I walked through the door to meet Syed, his face dark as thunder. I knew I was in trouble, and tried to figure out what I could have done this time. Last time he'd been this mad at me, I'd gotten smashed with Roxy and we'd both vomited all over the apartment. I decided to play the nonchalant card, and sauntered over to him, planning on kissing away his darkness. He side stepped me, and I whacked my leg off the corner of the table. He glared at me while I shucked out of my coat, and I realised that I'd have to be the one who made the first move.

"Come on, why so grumpy?" I thought that, the more light-hearted I kept it, the better it would be. Again, I was wrong. If looks could kill, I'd be a dead man walking.

"Why didn't you tell me you'd been out with James?" straight to the point, as always. At least I knew what was bothering him now. He was jealous, and it was adorable.

"He's an old mate, you know that."

"Yeah, in more than one sense of the word..."

I struggled to keep myself calm. I knew that if I over-reacted, Syed would take it the wrong way, and it would take me twice as long to convince him that nothing had happened. Nothing _had_ happened, but still...

"Look, Sy, I didn't think it would be a big deal. I mean, I go out with Roxy, which you don't seem to mind." I honestly didn't see the difference it would make to Syed, who I hung out with. He tentatively wrapped an arm around my waist.

"_Roxy _isn't in love with you." I grinned at him, shaking my head.

"Syed, you hit the nail on the head. _James _is in love with _me._ I suppose I'll always love him, but I'm not _in love_ with him. Sy, we've been through this before." I ran a hand through his hair, leaving it to linger on his neck. "I love _you._ I will _never_ want anyone else."

"I just – I know I can trust you, but when you deliberately hide something like this from me, it lets a little bit of doubt back into my mind."

I shook my head, grinning at him.

"Sy, you're hopeless," I pecked his lips a little. "Who do I come home to every night?" I cut across him before he could answer. "You, that's who. And that will never change."

"I'm being stupid, aren't I?" I nodded my agreement. "It's just, everything's been so right for so long, I can't help but feel that our luck's about to run out."

"Sy, you and me, it isn't luck. I'm not saying that it's always gonna be easy, but this _will_ work. Believe me." He nodded at me. "Even so, from now on, I'm always gonna tell you when I'm gonna be seeing James. If that'll make you feel better?" he pecked my lips, nodding his head.

"I'm sorry. I guess I over-reacted. I just don't wanna lose you."

"You won't." I touched my forehead to his. "No, I said I'd meet Roxy at R&Rs for a drink. Fancy joining us?"

"_One_ drink?" He stressed. I laughed, remembering how mad he had been last time. I nodded. "I'd love to, but I said I'd meet Tam in the Vic. It's his grand plan to get my parents to talk to me again." He rolled his eyes. He didn't believe that they could forgive him any more than I did.

"Well, rather you than me babe. I'll be at R&Rs when it all becomes too much to handle." He laughed, pecking my lips before he left the flat. I shook my head, laughing to myself. Syed was just so adorable sometimes, but I couldn't believe that he was still scared that I could ever leave him.

Syed POV:

I was already in the Vic when Tam walked in with my parents. After much deliberation, it had been decided that it would be better if I was already there when my parents arrived; it would look less suspicious. According to Tam. I was doubtful that my parents would even notice I was there, much less acknowledge my existence. Especially after what my dad had said to me the last time I had tried to rebuild our relationship.

I was perched at the bar, neither involved in the wedding reception, nor in the celebration of Peggy's return as landlady. I ignored my parents as they passed me by, just as they ignored me, but I did give Tam a slight nod of the head in acknowledgement of his existence. I had long since realised that if my parents were petty enough to disown me simply because of who I loved then they were not exactly the most important people in my life. Despite this, I still missed them, and wished that we could at least regain speaking terms, even if we could never get back to the way we had been before.

I sighed to myself, ordering another orange juice. It was times like this that I wished I could have just one drink to take away the pain. Then I was reminded of the last time I had consumed alcohol, and I shuddered at the thought. The taste of the stuff was disgusting. And worse, it had landed me in hospital. I was relieved that my father had still been on speaking terms with me when that had happened; if it had happened once he had disowned me, I couldn't be sure that he would help me the way he had done. Deep down, I knew that my parents hadn't disowned me out of pettiness. They were devout Muslims, and when something like this happened, something which challenged all of their values, everything they had ever been taught, it was only natural to want to distance yourself from it as much as possible, especially if the person flouting the rules was your own flesh and blood.

When I had first found myself attracted to men, I had tried to blame my parents. If they hadn't disowned me that first time, when I had stolen from them, I wouldn't have been made to suffer the way I had. Without my family around me, it had seemed pointless to follow the rules that they had taught me. Without them by my side, to guide me, I found my religion slowly slipping away from me. It was almost as though the little rules which they had lain down in front of me were all but null and void. When they had let me back into their lives again, and given me that second chance that I had strived for for years, I had been determined that I wouldn't let them down again. That was why I tried to push Christian away from me when I felt myself falling for him; the rules which I had previously disregarded were now firmly back in place, and I couldn't afford to slip up again. I should have realised from the first kiss that I would never be able to find my way back to a life in which I devoutly followed those rules.

Christian POV:

With Roxy, in R&Rs, it almost felt like old times again. Here we were, serving the punters and having a sneaky drink behind the bar. Well, Roxy was, at least. I was under strict orders to limit my drinks, and I was determined to prove to Syed that he could trust me. Working with the Mitchell sisters really was a dream, and I found myself half-wishing that it could be like this all the time. But I had someone else to think about now, and I knew that if I was away from Syed each and every night, it would kill me. Still, I always knew that I would always have a job here with Roxy, if I ever wanted a night away from Syed, for some strange, unknown reason. I finished serving, and Roxy pulled me out from behind the bar and onto the dance floor. It was almost 11pm at this point, and it was starting to get busy. I knew that the Vic would be closing soon, and that Syed would soon be home, and would wait up for me. Suddenly, I was eager to get out of here.

"Listen, Rox, I'd love to stay and dance all night, but I think I have some making up to do," I all but yelled in her ear to get her to hear me. I gave her a knowing grin, and she grinned back at me.

"Christian Clarke, what have you gone and done now?"

I laughed, telling her the story. She was shocked, as I was, that Syed could ever think that I would throw our relationship away, but I shrugged away his insecurities. If he needed to know who I was spending time with, when I was going to be meeting one of my ex's, then it was a small price for me to pay in order to be with him.

"Alright, but come on, you're buying me some chips first!"

I obliged, half-leading her to the Chippy and ordering us both a large portion of chips. I laughed at her as she stumbled her way to the War Memorial and almost collapsed onto the seat, somehow managing to keep a hold of her chips. We were in the middle of arranging the next time we would get together, and the next time I would work behind the bar, when her phone started ringing.

"It's Shirley, hang on," she practically yelled at me before answering her phone. I swear, her years of working behind a bar had made her deaf. "Shirl? What's up?" I started humming to myself as she listened to Shirley's end of the conversation. "What?" I jumped as she screeched down the phone. "I'm on my way!" before I could ask her the problem, she was dragging me back into R&Rs, grabbing Ronnie, and dragging us back out again.

"Roxy! What is going on?" Ronnie beat me to it, the same question about to bubble to my lips.

"The Vic!" she was already half-running down Bridge Street, letting go of me and Ronnie so she could run faster. We ran to catch up to her. "There's a fire!"

"Syed!" I caught up with her in seconds, pulling my mobile out of my pocket as I ran. I called his number, but it went straight to answer phone. I rounded the corner at the same time as Roxy, almost stopping in my tracks at the scene before me. The regulars were all outside, some of them crying; others on mobiles trying to reach loved ones, some on the phone to the emergency services. As Roxy and Ronnie ran over to Billy to ask him what had happened, I ran over to the Masoods, targeting Tam with my questions, ignoring the death glares sent my way by Zainab and Masood.

"Tam, where's Syed?" I was frantic, trying to spot him in the ever-growing crowd outside the Vic, hoping beyond hope that he had already left and was at home. Fire and smoke was tumbling from every window; no one left in there had a hope of getting out alive. Over to our left, the Slaters were gathered, Jean and Max frantically trying to hold Stacey back. My attention was pulled back to Tam when he laid a hand on my arm, to his parent's disgust.

"Christian?" I realised that he had been speaking to me, and I shook my head, trying to get my attention back on him.

"Sorry, Tam?"

"He...he's inside..." he gestured towards the burning pub, and I felt myself slowly collapse. Tam knelt down beside me, trying to keep my attention locked on him. "We all smelt the burning, it started upstairs. Stacey was frantic; her baby was up there. Syed had just come out of the toilets, and was the closest one to the stairs. He yelled at everyone to get out, and then ran upstairs..." the rest of his sentence was blurred out. I lifted my gaze back up to the burning building, praying for the first time in my life. _Please, let him be OK. _My attention was distracted by a movement in one of the windows. I saw a figure waving, and I knew beyond a doubt that it was Syed. I leapt to my feet and ran over to the window. I was the first one there.

"Syed!" I yelled up to him, my entire body starting to relax when his face appeared out of the window.

"Catch!" he chocked out that single word before disappearing from sight. I realised what he was going to de seconds before he did it, and I was as surprised as everyone else when the baby suddenly landed in my arms. Stacey rushed over to me to retrieve her daughter, thanking me as she moved away from the building with her precious cargo. I looked back up at the window, desperate to see that Syed was alright. As the fire began showing itself in the lower area of the building, I felt someone tug me away from the foot of the building. I clung onto Roxy as we both cried, and I only later learned that Peggy was also trapped inside the burning building. I noticed that the Masoods had also moved back, and angrily noticed that the only one who seemed to show the slightest bit of concern for Syed was Tam. If it hadn't been for Roxy's grip on my arm, I would have marched over and confronted them. I heard a series of gaspx, and, looking up, realised that Syed was back at the window. I yelled to him as he started climbing out, using what little strength he had left to cling onto the window ledge. I made to run to him, but Roxy held me back. A ball of fire exploded from the window to the right of Syed, knocking me and Roxy off balance. I looked up just in time to see Syed fall from the ledge and land with a sickening crunch on the ground. This time, no one could stop me as I ran to him, keeping low to the ground to avoid the smoke. I knew that he had broken some bones from the way his leg was twisted under him, and I also knew that I shouldn't move him, but I was desperate to get him away from the fire. I dragged him as carefully and as quickly as I could, grateful when Roxy came over to help me. We managed to get him a safe distance away just as another fireball ripped through the pub, and I covered his fragile, broken body with my own as shards of glass flew in every direction. I cried out from the pain in my back, knowing that I had been hit by the glass. I grunted through the pain, shifting myself so that I could see Syed's face. It was black with ash and cut and bloodied, but at that moment, as the emergency service vehicles moved through the Square, he opened his eyes and stared directly into mine. I stared at him for a split second until unconsciousness pulled him under again. As the ambulance arrived, they made straight for us, carefully loading him onto a stretcher and into the back of the ambulance. One of the paramedics wrapped a blanket around my shoulders, ushering me into the back of the ambulance with him. The last thing I saw before the doors closed on us was Roxy and Ronnie crying, and Tam looking in my direction while Zainab and Masood were turning and heading home.

**A/N: I'm off to watch the episode now, actually more excited for a glimpse of our boys than for the fire itself! **


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi all!**

**How did you all enjoy the fire? I'm soo pleased that Syed got out alright! And then once I saw Syed was alright, I was all like ''Where's Christian?''  
**

**Anyone know when we get to see Chryed next? I think I'll die if I have to wait til November! **

**xoxoxo**

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Christian POV:

It seemed to take forever for the ambulance to make its way through the Square. The paramedic was now trying to ask me the questions he had failed to ask me before he loaded me and Syed onto the ambulance. I think, in his eyes, Syed was the most injured person there; the most important thing to him was getting him to the hospital; the questions could be asked later.

"Sir?"

"Sorry?" I really was finding it hard to focus. Everything had happened so fast, it was as though my head was trying to catch up with itself.

"Your name, sir?"

"Christian. Christian Clarke."

"OK Mr Clarke. And, do you know this other gentleman?"

"Syed. Syed Masood. He's my partner." The paramedic nodded, and it was good to know that he wasn't against us. Too often had I introduced someone, not only Syed, but other men, too, as my partner, and had been met with looks of disgust. The paramedic, although he may have just been acting professionally, didn't seem to have any objections to our relationship, and it put me at ease.

"Is he allergic to anything, Mr Clarke?"

"Not that I know of," I wracked my brains, trying to think of any time that I had heard Syed mention that he was allergic to something.

"Can you tell us what happened to your partner, Mr Clarke?" I know it was only his job, but the whole 'Mr Clarke' thing was getting kinda old.

"I...He was in the pub when the fire started. He went upstairs to rescue a baby trapped up there. I think he must have inhaled a lot of smoke. He started to climb out of the window after he rescued the baby, but there was an explosion and he lost his grip. I...I heard something crack when he fell, but he opened his eyes for a split second before you lot got here." I was trying to be as specific as I could; since I wasn't there for the majority of the incident, I couldn't tell him exactly how long Syed had been trapped inside the building.

"And what happened to you, Mr Clarke?" I was starting to become more aware of the pain in my back. The adrenaline I had felt when I needed to get Syed to safety was wearing off, and the pain was coming in its place.

"I know I should have left him, but I had to get him away from the flames," the paramedic nodded, taking a note on his clip board. "As I was moving him, there was another explosion, and I covered his body with my own to prevent any glass from flying onto him."

"A very brave thing to do sir. And I'd say, under the circumstances, that moving him was probably the best thing you could have done for him." I nodded, relieved that I had done something right.

"Is he gonna be OK?"

"He inhaled a lot of smoke, but we should be able to sort that out. There shouldn't be any permanent damage from the smoke inhalation. When he fell, he was very lucky." Lucky? Was this guy for real? He thought that Syed was _lucky_ for falling from a burning building? He must have caught a look of confusion or anger on my face, because he corrected himself immediately. "What I mean is, he's lucky that he didn't fall on his spine. He would have broken it without a doubt. As it is, it seems that he's only broken his leg and dislocated his shoulder. In time, he should make a full recovery." I let out a breath I didn't realise I'd been holding. Syed's recovery was the most important thing to me now, and the reassurance that he would be OK was all that I needed to let the relief wash over me. Before I knew it, the tears were streaming down my face; a combination of the trauma which we had both gone through tonight, mixed with the relief of knowing that my Syed wasn't being taken away from me yet again.

As we pulled up to the hospital, the paramedics unloaded Syed first, him being in a more serious condition than me. I made to follow them through to the treatment area, but one of the nurses started leading me in the opposite direction. Although it went against every bone in my body, I allowed myself to be led away from Syed, knowing that there was nothing more that I could do for him at the moment. I knew that he would only be assessed and then treated, possibly taken into surgery. Besides, I had to get myself sorted out if I was going to take care of him. I'd be no good to him if I had to come back to hopsital at a later date because I'd developed sepsis, or whatever they called it.

I couldn't help but notice the way the nurse checked me out. Poor thing. He didn't understand that I already belonged to someone else; that he didn't have a hope of hell of ever getting me into bed. After years and years of doing it myself, I knew when someone was trying to give me 'the look'. I'd seen it a million times before. They try to hold your gaze, make sure they've got your attention. Follow that with the wink, and most men are putty in their hands. Well, not this man. My heart already had an owner, and nothing was ever gonna make me betray him.

Luckily, most of the shards of glass which had cut into my back had flown right out again due to the force of the explosion. The few pieces which remained were thankfully large enough that I didn't need surgery to remove them; the nurse who was pawing over me was able to remove them with a simple local anaesthetic (while attempting to feel me up, I might add) and a pair of tweezers (yeah, alright, I know they're not technically called 'tweezers', but hey, I never said I was a medical expert). Although the anaesthetic blocked out most of the pain, I couldn't help but wince as I felt him dig the shards of glass out of my back. Once he had me all stitched up, the first thing I did was ask about Syed.

"How's Syed? Can I see him?"

"Is that the bloke you came in with?" Nurse Touchy-Feely was starting to get on my nerves, so I decided to pay him back in kind.

"Yeah, my partner." I almost laughed at the disappointed look on his face. But hey, look at me! As though he could ever think that _I _would be single! Even when I didn't want a long term relationship, I always made sure I had someone on the go.

"He's just got out of theatre. They managed to fix up his arm, and they've placed metal plates in his leg to reinforce the bones until they are strong enough to mend again." I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Can I see him?"

"He's still sedated. It's very unlikely that he'll be coming around any time soon." Translation: there's no point in you sticking around here. Why not come back to mine?

"I'd still like to sit with him, if that's alright? Be there for him when he wakes up."

"Of course," Nurse Touchy-Feely was clearly reluctant to let me go, but in the end, his treatment of me was done, and there was no force on this Earth that could keep me from seeing Syed now. He reluctantly took me to intensive care in a wheelchair, making me stay in one of those dreadful hospital gowns until the doctor came to discharge me. As he helped me out of the chair and led me into Syed's room, I held my breath. What if he looked worse than before, now that he'd had surgery?

As Nurse Touchy-Feely left, I was left with no option but to face my fears. I had to stifle a gasp. Syed looked terrible. His arm and leg were both in casts, and there was an oxygen mask attached to his face. I made my way over to him, conscious of every step I took, desperate not to wake him. Something told me that he needed his rest more than anything. I slowly sat in the seat next to his bed; the pain in my back was a lot worse now than it had been since the anaesthetic was wearing off. I tentatively took Syed's hand in mine, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest. Now that I had a better look at him, I could see the impact that the fire had had on him. His face was darkened from the ash, and was covered in tiny cuts. His chest and the tops of his arms were also covered in cuts, and his side was badly bruised from his fall. I tentatively placed my lips onto his, every fibre of my being constantly reassured by the soft bleeping of the machine telling me that he was still alive.

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**A/N: In a recent interview, Marc Elliott (Syed) said that he thought that Christian and Syed's relationship had ''become boring''! As long as we get our little Chryed fix, I don't really care what they're doing! Marc is also currently ''preparing to have a break from filming'', so it seems that our Chryed fix will be cut even shorter :'( However, he's also admitted that there's some ''big stuff'' coming up. So plus sides and negatives from his interview.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi all!**

**Apologies for the delay - I've literally had about 5 days off work in the past 3 weeks.  
**

**I'm so excited that Chryed are back on the 18th October! I don't want them to split up or anything, but I'm kinda looking forward to the drama which is to come!**

**Two weeks can't come quickly enough!**

**Hope you enjoy this chapter, it just carries straight on from the last one.**

**xoxoxo**

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Christian POV:

I must have fallen asleep sometime during my stay with Syed; the next thing I felt was a hand on my shoulder, gently shaking me awake. I woke with a slight start, my hand still grasped tightly around Syed's limp hand. I looked up and groaned inwardly as I saw Nurse Touchy-Feely leaning over me. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as he continued giving me 'the Look', despite the hold I had on Syed's hand.

"Sorry to wake you, but I need you to sign this," he handed me a form, his hand lingering over mine a little too much. I quickly scanned the form, signing it eagerly; it was a from which meant I could be discharged from hospital care. "I also thought you might like to change back into these," he handed me what I assumed to be the clothes I had worn before my admission. They would be a little battered and worn, and was probably thick with blood, but at least it was better than wearing this hospital gown.

"Thank you," I handed the form back to him, taking my clothes from him.

"Oh," he had made his way to the door (reluctantly), before he turned back. "And, there's someone here to see you." I watched him leave, watching the door eagerly to see who my surprise visitor was. I broke into a slight grin as Roxy's face appeared in the doorway. I put my finger to my lips, gesturing to Syed's sleeping form. She nodded her understanding, closing the door softly behind her and tip-toeing her way over to me. She perched herself on the arm of my chair, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

"How is he?" her voice was laced with concern and regret, and I caught her eye as she glanced over at Syed's broken body.

"Broken leg, dislocated shoulder. He's covered in cuts and bruises, and he inhaled a lot of smoke," I saw her cover her mouth with her hand out of the corner of my eye. I still couldn't take my eyes off Syed.

"Oh, babe. I am so sorry." I could hear the tears in her voice, and I risked a glance in her direction. Her eyes were streaming with tears, and I put my free arm around her shoulders.

"It's OK. He's gonna be OK. It'll take a while, but he should be back to his old self." Back to being that perfect Syed that I loved so much. "None of this is your fault, babes."

"It is though," I gave her a questioning look. She took a deep breath, her head falling into her hands. "It was Phil. He was the one who started the fire." A range of emotions ran through my body. Anger, for the mere fact that the actions of a single person almost cost me the most important thing in my life. Sadness, that Roxy was blaming herself for the actions of a member of her family. Pain, for the fact that I had come so close to being alone again. Fear, for what the future would now hold for Syed and myself, and our relationship. And pity. Pity, for the fact that Phil had got himself in such a state that he felt the need to destroy everything in his path.

"Babe, I don't blame you. It was Phil you burned the pub to the ground, not you. It was Phil who almost killed my Syed, not you. You're not responsible for the actions of your family any more than Syed was responsible when his family turned against us. Besides, it's not as though you could have stopped him." I kissed the top of her head, showing her that I really didn't blame her for anything. "Look, d'ya mind sitting with him while I get changed?" I gestured to the pile of clothes in my lap. "I just don't want him to be alone when he wakes up."

"Course I will. It's the least I can do." I gave her a weak smile, bundling my clothes up into my arms and hurrying out of the door. I really didn't want to leave Syed, but I knew that I would have to eventually. I hurried into the nearest toilets, changing out of my hospital gown and into my tattered clothing as quickly as the pain in my body would allow. I had to bite my tongue a couple of times to stop myself from crying out. As I made to leave, I checked myself over in the mirror. I looked like hell. My face was as cut and bloodied as Syed's, and I had a bruise forming above my right eye. I hadn't even noticed that I'd hit my head. I had been so high on the adrenaline, I hadn't even felt the pain.

Maybe Syed had been right. When he had said that he felt that our luck was about to run out, I had shrugged it off. I thought that our relationship was built on more than good luck. Maybe he was right, maybe the forces were conspiring against us. I knew that our relationship was right. I had known that ever since our first kiss. Everything that had happened between us had felt so right that there was no way it could be called wrong. But ever since our first kiss, our first time, it was as though the fates were trying to keep us apart. Every time I tried to get Syed to see sense, to see that we were meant to be together, every time we had gotten that little bit closer, something had ripped us apart again. No, I was being stupid. There were no external forces in this world that were trying to keep us apart. There was no God trying to punish Syed for loving me. Sometimes, things just happened. There was no rhyme or reason for some of the things that happened, they just were.

I was so caught up in my musings that I never heard the door of the toilets open. I never saw someone enter. But I did feel the hands that were placed tentatively around my waist. I immediately knew that this touch was wrong. I could discern Syed's touch from any other touch in the world, I was so used to feeling it. And those hands weren't Syed's. Even if he hadn't been unconscious and attached to machinery in the room along the corridor, I would have known that it wasn't his touch. His touch, even through layers of clothing, awakened something deep within me, something which I had no control over. I glanced up into the mirror, knowing who it would be before my eyes found his face. Great, just what I needed. Nurse Touchy-Feely was back, and he looked determined to get what he wanted. Which just so happened to be me. Which just so happened to be the one thing he would never, ever have.

"What d'ya think you're doing?" I tried to wriggle out of his grasp, but the pain of my injuries was almost too much for me to take.

"I think you know," his voice was low and husky. Just the way my voice used to be when I was trying to pull someone. He leaned in to kiss me, managing to brush his lips against mine slightly before I managed to find the strength to ignore the pain in my body and push him off me. I angrily stormed out of the toilets, heading back into Syed's room where Nurse Touchy-Feely couldn't follow me. Roxy noticed my agitation the moment I entered. I slumped back down into the chair beside Syed's bed, taking his hand in mine once again.

"Any change?"

"No," Roxy shook her head. "But what happened to you?"

"Don't matter." I reached over to push some of the hair out of Syed's eyes. "All that matters is that Syed gets better." I caught Roxy looking at me out of the corner of her eye. "What?" I turned to face her, a slight grin on my face.

"You really love him, don't you?"

"No," I shook my head. "Love isn't the word. The way I feel about him...there are no words for it, Rox. Seasons change, circumstances change, people change, but the way I feel about Syed, that stays the same. No - it gets stronger. Every day, every hour, every second, my feelings for him intensify more than I ever thought possible. I tell Syed that I love him, but that doesn't even scratch the surface of what I feel for him. But you know the best thing, Rox?" She shook her head, looking at me expectantly. "The best thing is that I know that he feels exactly the same about me."

"He's changed you so much, I feel like I don't even know you anymore!" She laughed softly, and I laughed with her.

"I don't even know myself anymore, babe. Syed, he's taught me so much, changed me so much, for the better. Before him, I was floating aimlessly through life, one bed to the next, wasting my life away on pointless one night stands. Before he came into my life, I didn't know what love was. If I ever lost him, I dunno what I'd do." She squeezed my hand gently, as I tried to overcome the wave of emotion which had just washed over me. "Sorry, babe. Ignore me. I just..I need him so much. I don't even know where to start. Whenever I try to tell him how I feel, how I really feel, I can never seem to find the words."

"I think he already knows, babe." I looked up at her questioningly. I followed her gaze to where Syed was lying, the breath catching in my throat. His eyes were flickering open, the hand I wasn't holding was trying desperately to remove the mask from his face. I pulled the mask away for him, my right hand never leaving go of his, my left resting lightly at the base of his throat.

"Syed.." I breathed his name, the relief I felt evident in my voice.

"I.." his voice came out a strangled whisper.

"Shh, don't try and speak." I caught Roxy's eye briefly, and she understood my question without my needing to ask.

"I'll go get a doctor," I silently thanked her, praying that she didn't end up running into Nurse Touchy-Feely first - she would recognise him and might bring him back instead. My eyes locked back with Syed's as soon as she left the room, and I cupped his cheek with my left hand.

"I..love..you." I could hear the effort it took him to say just those three words. I kissed his forehead gently as he closed his eyes again. I could tell that he was still conscious from the way his hand grasped mine as firmly as it could.

"I love you, Sy," I whispered in his ear, knowing that he had heard me from the way his hand squeezed mine ever so gently.

Syed slipped in and out of consciousness as the doctor - luckily not Nurse Touchy-Feely - examined him. I reluctantly let go of his hand while the doctor checked him over. Roxy held me while the doctor informed me that Syed was over the worst. His shoulder was healing well, his leg was going to be fixed up, given time, and his lungs were clear of any trace of the smoke he had inhaled. He would need intensive therapy to help him walk again, but with my help at home - which he was certainly going to be getting - the doctor was confident that he would regain full use of his legs in no time at all. The doctor left us once he was happy that Syed was stable, and I immediately resumed my place at his side. I knew that he needed to rest, and so I let him be, simply taking his hand in mine again and watching him as he drifted in and out of consciousness. After sitting with me for a while, Roxy left, taking my keys with her so that she could fetch some things back for me and Syed in the morning. I was so grateful for her for everything she had done for us. She also promised to tell Tamwar that Syed was going to be OK, and that he could come visit any time he liked. She kissed me lightly before she left, and I pecked Syed's lips gently before laying my head down - awkwardly - next to Syed's and drifting off to sleep myself.

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**A/N: Hope you liked it! Next chapter will see loads more deep Chryed, so I hope you're ready for it!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hi all!**

**Less than a week to go before we see our boys again! I'm so excited! :)**

**Again, this carries straight on from the last one.**

**Idea came to me at work while I was cleaning mirrors, a strange place for an idea to form, I know, but I was kinda bored!  
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**Hope you like it!**

**xoxoxo**

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Christian POV:

Over the next few hours, Syed kept drifting in and out of consciousness. He would say a couple of words - usually "I love you" - before drifting back off to sleep. A doctor and a couple of nurses came in to check on him from time to time - luckily, it seemed that Nurse Touchy-Feely had gone home for the night - and each time, they informed me that he was doing well. Just as Syed drifted, I also drifted in and out of sleep, never sleeping for more than half an hour at a time before I would wake with a slight start and immediatley check on Syed. It was as though my subconscious was working on autopilot, as though, even in sleep, I was aware of what was happening to the man beside me. I was fully awake now, although I was sure that I still looked like hell due to my restless night. I was stroking my hand through Syed's hair, smiling as he murmured my name in sleep. Everytime I hear my name spill from his lips, it makes my heart burst with pride and love for him.

Roxy returned as soon as visiting time started, bringing me a new set of clothes and some pyjamas for Syed, as well as some general bits and bobs like a toothbrush and razor. Again, she agreed to sit with Syed while I sorted myself out, and I kissed his forehead as I left. After getting changed, I looked into the mirror to confirm that I did look like hell, as I'd first thought. I shaved with some difficulty - the cuts to my face were spread out quite a bit, and I didn't want to make them worse by catching them with my razor blade. I took my time getting ready and sorting myself out this time - the confirmation that Syed was alive and well had calmed me slightly, and I felt more able to take my time. At least my face looked a little better, without all the ash clinging to it.

As I left to head back to Syed's room, I heard a small voice behind me.

"Christian?" I turned slowly, hardly able to believe what I was hearing. I blinked once or twice, just to confirm that I was seeing what I was actually seeing.

"What are you doing here? Syed doesn't need you, or anything you have to say to him." I turned to walk away, praying that I wasn't followed. Syed had been through enough in the past 24 hours, this was the last thing he needed right now.

"Please, I know I have no right, but he's still my baby." I sighed, turning back round. The look on Zainab's face was almost pitiful. "Just let me see that he's alright, and then I'll go, I promise."

"I think you and Mas made your feelings perfectly clear in the pub the other week, don't you? The last thing that Syed needs right now is to be reminded of all that. The only thing he needs to worry about is getting himself well again." I was determined that she would not ruin his recovery. He was weak as it is, and I knew that arguing with his mother, or watching me argue with her, would make him weaker still.

"Please, Christian. I didn't come here to argue, with you or with Syed," I could see no word of a lie in her eyes, but Zainab was a difficult person to read. "Just give me five minutes, Christian. Please."

"What, so now you play the doting mother? You weren't so eager to stand up for him in front of Masood, were you? You weren't so eager to help me move him away from the fire when he could have died."

"Things are...difficult with Masood at the moment. Now, I may not like what Syed has done, and I may not agree with it, but he's still my baby, Christian. He's still my son." I sighed. As much as I was unsure about whether I should allow her to see him, I knew that Syed missed her terribly. I was on the fence with this one.

"OK, I'll ask him," I was reluctant as I agreed. "But if he says he doesn't want to see you, then that's the end of it." Zainab nodded her approval of the deal, and I made her wait outside as I asked Syed. I didn't want him to feel pressurised into seeing her if he didn't want to. Roxy glanced up at me as I entered, ushering me back into my spot by his side.

"He's been asking for you." Turning my attention to Syed, I could see that he was more alert now, more focused than he had been before. Although he still looked fragile, he was beaming up at me with a glint in his eyes. I gently placed a kiss on his forehead, trying to find a place which wasn't cut or bruised.

"Sorry I left you, Sy. But you should have seen the state of me," I laughed softly, glad to see a smile on his face again. Although it had only been 24 hours since we were getting on with our lives, laughing and joking like normal, I had still gone too long without seeing it.

"I'll leave you to it. I should be getting back."

"Yeah, course. Thanks, Rox." She smiled at me as she left, and I could see that she had gotten as much sleep as I had. She looked exhausted. Then again, her livelihood had just gone up in smoke. Syed grasped my hand with his, bringing me back to the here and now.

"Hey," I smiled at him reassuringly. "Next time you wanna be a hero, do me a favour?" He gave me a questionning look. "Help Dot with her shopping or something, don't run up into a burning building and almost get yourself killed!" He laughed softly, squeezing my hand gently.

"Sorry," his voice was still a whisper, and it was clearly a struggle for him, but it was good to hear his voice again. "I guess I scared you, huh?"

"Just a little bit," I grinned. "But you'll be the talk of the Square for months, after the stunt you pulled." He groaned inwardly, and I laughed at his frustration.

"Great, just what I need. Another reason for people to talk about me." He frowned at me as I continued to laugh at him.

"Sorry," I sobered up, needing to tell him how scared I was so that he understood. "But you scared me, Sy. I really thought I was gonna lose you this time. I dunno what I would have done..."

"You can't get rid of me that easily, I'm afraid." I smiled, and as he smiled back at me, I could see a familiar look in his eyes. Without him even needing to tell me, I leaned over and pecked his lips gently, pulling away a fraction of an inch as he sucked in a painful breath.

"Sorry, Sy," the words were hardly out of my mouth before his lips were back on mine, desperately trying to deepen the kiss despite his pain. I allowed him a second of bliss before it got too much for me to hear him in so much pain. I pulled back further this time, out of his reach. "There's plenty of time for that, Sy. You need to get better first."

"Tease," he joked playfully. I stroked a strand of hair out of his eyes before I realised that I should probably tell him about Zainab. Although I didn't really want anyone interrupting our little reunion, I had to tell him sooner or later, and the sooner I told him, the sooner she would be gone, with or without seeing her son.

"Look, Sy, your mum's outside. She wants to see you." I heard his intake of breath, and I quickly explained my actions. "You don't have to do anything you don't want, and I can stay here with you, if you'd like. It's your choice, Sy. If you don't want to see her, then you won't."

"No, I...I think I need to hear this..Just so I know where I stand, yeah?" Same old Syed, looking at me for reassurance.

"Want me in here with you?"

"No," he shook his head, wincing a little in pain. "I need to do this on my own." I nodded my head, resting my forehead against his for a second, enjoying the closeness. "Help me sit up?" I gently picked him up underneath his arms, shifting the pillows so that was able to sit up without too much strain.

"OK, but I'll be right outside if you need me." I pecked his lips, reluctantly leaving to inform Zainab that she could see him.

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Syed POV:

I was nervous as I waited for my mum to enter the room. It would be the first time I'd spoken to her in months, since telling her that I was going to be with Christian. I had bumped into her around the Square, of course, but neither of us had spoken to the other. I had longed to talk to her, even just to ask her how she was, or even make small talk about the weather. Any form of contact would have been good. It felt like I'd been in this situation for too long; wanting desperatley to talk to someone, but knowing that no matter what I did, things would never be the same. When Christian and I hadn't been on speaking terms, I was desperate for any form of contact, even if it was just Christian screaming and shouting at me. If he screamed at me, at least I knew that he still cared about me. Now, it was the same with my mum. If she was blanking me in the street, I couldn't be sure that she cared. If she screamed and shouted at me, even if she screamed that she hated me, at least I would know that she still felt _something_ for me.

I don't know if anyone truly knew how much it affected me to be away from my family. I still had Tam coming to visit me when he could, but I still missed the contact I had with the rest of my family. I longed to see the pride shine in my dad's eyes like it had done on my wedding day. I longed to feel my mum's warm embrace, something I had sorely missed since before my wedding. She had still embraced me afterwards, of course, but she had always been restrained, like she was scared that I was contaminated or something. It almost killed me to know that I wouldn't be there for my baby brother's first steps, first words. Kamil was growing up so quickly, and when he was a toddler, and had the ability to walk and talk, he wouldn't even recognise me. I wondered if he's be afraid of me; I would be nothing more than a stranger to him, after all. I also longed to be respected within my community once again. To be able to go to my local Mosque rather than one which was miles away. I shook my head, forcing myself out of my reverie. No matter how much I had lost in the last few months, I knew that I had gained so much more. I had gained eternal, unchanging, unwavering love, a love which was stronger than any other force in the whole world. A love which had defied all of the odds and was now shining through stronger than I had ever thought possible. I had had a small glimpse into Christian's feelings yesterday, when he was pouring his heart out to Roxy. And I knew that his feelings mirrored my own. There were no words powerful enough for what we both felt. The life I had gained with Christian was worth all of the things I had lost and more. I would give up anything for him, do anything as long as it meant that I could be with him. When I first found that I was attracted to him, I tried so hard to ignore it, not realising that the happiness I had searched for for so long had been right in front of my eyes all along. But, the more I fell for him, the more I realised that love was all that really matters, and everything else in my life seemed so small to me.

I sucked in a breath as my mum entered the room. She looked much frailer than I remembered her. There were dark circles under her eyes suggesting that she hadn't slept properly in days, perhaps weeks. I had been there. I knew how draining it was.

"Mum.." I was still struggling to speak, my throat was hurting and each word burned me terribly. She stood by the door awkwardly, looking like she didn't know whether to stay to say what she had came to say, or whether to turn on her heels and run away from me again.

"Syed.." her voice was small, unsure. Something I wasn't used to hearing in her voice. "I...Tamwar told me you were..." My mum was speechless. Another first for her. "How are you?"

"Fine," I managed to choke out. "Well, you've checked on me, job done." I really didn't mean for my voice to sound so cold and harsh, but it was hard for me to hold back some of the resentment I felt towards her.

"Please, Syed -"

"What?" My tone frightened even myself. I didn't know I had it in me, to talk to her this way. "You've ignored me for weeks, months, even, and now you wanna play the doting mum? I have everything I need right outside." I saw her visibly flinch as I mentioned Christian, but it didn't make me back down. "I'm alive. More's the pity, I suppose you think."

"You know how things have to be, Papou."

"Don't," I'd always hated her childish nickname for me, although I'd never had the courage to tell her before now. "I'm not your little boy anymore, ma. You can't make me come round by using that on me anymore."

"Syed, your father -"

"Has made his feelings perfectly clear. As far as you both are concerned, I'm better off dead. I bet he wishes that I'd died in that fire," I let out a humourless laugh, knowing that my words would probably be more or less true.

"Don't say that, Syed. Your father, he's a very proud man. Dishonour is the worst crime imaginable, for him, and what you've done -"

"Is the right decision for me. Would you both really rather me spend my life miserable, end up in hospital again? Would you really rather me dead, ma?"

"Of course not, Syed! But if I disobey your father, you know what he'll do. He'll throw me out, end our marriage. I shouldn't even be here, not really."

"So go. You've done what you came to do."

"Syed, I don't want things to be like this, but -"

"But nothing. You made it perfectly clear. As long as I'm with Christian, you don't want me in your life. Now, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I've hurt Christian too much in the past, and I refuse to hurt him any more." I saw her flinch everytime I said his name, but this was the way she wanted things to be, not the way I wanted them to be. I wanted it all, my family, my community, and Christian. But I knew that I couldn't have it all, and Christian was enough for me. "Just go, mum."

My mum gave me an incredulous look before turning on her heels and walking out of the door she had been clinging to for the last five minutes. I let out a sigh, of both relief and frustration, as the door swung closed behind her. I had known that a confrontation with my mum would be hard, but I hadn't really prepared myself for it. I had been expecting her to be cold and reserved, not pleading with me. The look in her eyes was pleading me to end things with Christian and return to my family, but I meant what I'd told her - I'd hurt Christian too much in the past. I'd be paying for it for the rest of my life, trying to make it up to him, and I was determined that I wouldn't be the cause of his pain anymore. I felt some tears stinging the corners of my eyes and furiously wiped them away. I'd wasted enough tears over this whole mess, and my mum wasn't getting anymore of them. I looked up eagerly as the door opened again, beaming when Christian appeared. He pecked my lips before taking his seat by my side, and I shook any negative thoughts out of my head. I wasn't going to let my mum get into my head anymore. I was with Christian, and that was all that mattered.

"I love you."

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**A/N: I've got ideas for the next couple of chapters, it's just a case of me actually finding the time to write them up. I can promise you some drama is going to happen, but I think a nice and light chapter is needed next :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hi all!**

**Thought I'd have a nice, fluffly little chapter before the drama starts again. I can promise you some big drama to come in the near future!**

**Hope you like this little chapter.**

**xoxoxo**

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Christian POV:

I paid the cab fare, grabbing the bags from the boot and thanking the driver. I bounded back upstairs, closing the door behind me and flinging the bags down onto the sofa. Looking up, I saw Syed attempting to make his way over to me from the bed. He failed resolutely, considering that he had a broken leg and one of his arms in a sling.

"Oh, no you don't!" I chided him, making my way over to him and laying him back down again. "You heard the doctor, plenty of bed rest." He wiggled his eyebrows at me, and I rolled my eyes. "Not in that way, Masood." I walked into the spare room, coming out again a minute later with the spare set of bedding. "I'll be sleeping on the couch, so that you don't have to avoid temptation." He pouted at me, and I laughed. He was so adorable.

"But I can't sleep without you, not properly, anyway" he moaned at me, but I shook my head resolutely.

"No, you can't change my mind. I know what you're like, Masood. It'll be 'Just a little cuddle', or ' Just five minutes', and then you'll be trying to have your wicked way with me. Nah-ah. You're getting better again before we have any of that. Best to just avoid temptation, don't you think?"

He pouted at me again, and I made my way back over to him, pecking his lips gently. I heard his small hiss of pain that he tried to hide, and nodded my head.

"There, y'see? I'm right, as always. Lots of bed rest for you." His eyes lit up hopefully. "Alone, Sy." His face fell again.

"Don't you want me anymore?" I could barely hear his mumbling, and I laughed out loud.

"Course I do, you silly mare! Just not when it'll be more pain than pleasure for you!" I pulled him into me gently, releasing him after a second. "Now, I'm in charge for the foreseeable future. At your beck and call 24/7. So, what would the patient like for dinner?" He looked up at me with lust-addled eyes, and it took all of my self control not to jump him right there and then. I forced myself away from him, over to the other side of the room, because, as usual, even just breathing in his scent was making me insane with my lust for him. I began hunting for my wallet, just to give myself something to do other than think about all of the things I wanted to do to my brave, beautiful, bed-ridden boyfriend. "How about I pop down the Minute Mart and grab us something healthy for dinner?" Syed groaned, and I had to laugh at him.

"The hospital food was awful, Christian!" He whined at me, as I tried my best to sober up. "I was looking forward to fish and chips, or a greasy pizza, or a lovely curry..." His eyes glased over at the mention of curry, and I grinned.

"Well," I moved back over to him to peck his lips. "How about I go to the Argee Bhajee and get your favourite?" His eyes glittered as he smiled widely at me.

"My Superman!" He laughed, reaching up to kiss me as I made to leave. "Don't forget the naan!" He yelled after me as I closed the door behind me.

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"Christian!" I spun around as I reached the top step up to the door of the flat, our takeaway balancing precariously in my arms.

"Hey, Tam. You come to see your brother?"

"How is he?" He made his way up to me, grabbing some of my takeaway bags from me so that I could unlock the door without the threat of curry spilling all over me.

"Thanks. He's frustrated, Tam." He looked terrified, and I chuckled at him. "Not that way. Well, yes, that way, but more for the fact that he can't do much for himself. You know what he's like, he likes being able to rely on himself; hates other people looking after him."

"Typical Syed, then." We made our way upstairs, and I practically barged my way into the flat. "Honey, I'm..." I quieted my voice as I realised that Syed had fallen asleep. "Home..."I put a finger to my lips as I whispered the last word, signalling to Tamwar that his brother was asleep. I carefully deposited the takeaway bags onto the table and made my way over to the bed, pulling the covers over Syed's sleeping form. I ushered Tamwar back out of the flat, closing the door gently behind us.

"Sorry, Tam. I'm just glad he's finally asleep. He was being...difficult." I saw Tamwar visibly flinch, and I inwardly cursed myself. "Sorry, Tam."

"It's OK," he shook his head. "I'm starting to get used to it." I grinned. "Just tell him I called, yeah?"

"Course I will. Drop by tomorrow, yeah?"

"Yeah, see you." He made to leave, but turned around to face me again. "Christian, how is he? Really?"

"He's fine, Tam. Honestly."

"I just..I know mum came to see him, and.."

"And he was fine with it. Believe me. He's great."

"But, the fire...Hasn't it affected him at all?"

I sighed. I had been thinking the same thing as him.

"Honestly? I dunno, Tam." He caught my eye briefly before turning away. "You know Sy, Tam. He bottles everything up til he bursts. He'll open up eventually. All we can do is sit and wait until he decides to open up." He nodded, still looking worried. "Hey, I'll be there for him. You know I will." He nodded again, looking more reassured.

"Night, Christian."

"Night, Tam. See you tomorrow." He waved a hand in acknowledgement as he walked down the stairs. I watched him go for a moment before turning back and walking back into the flat. I carefully stowed the now un-needed takeaway in the fridge before stripping down to my underwear and carefully climbing into the bed next to Syed. If he was already asleep, I could at least hold him for a little while. Or, so I thought. As usual, it seemed that my very presence was enough to bring Syed out of his long needed slumber. Before I could react enough to move, he had moved himself to my chest, hissing through the pain as he snuggled into me.

"Sy..." I chided him, running my hand through his hair.

"Please, Christian..I just want to be near you.." I couldn't deny that, after all that had happened, after I had almost lost him again, I wanted nothing more than to feel him close to me. I sighed, surrendering to him, wrapping my arms around him gently.

"There's some curry in the fridge.." I murmured into his ear.

"I'll have it later.." he snuggled himself closer, kissing my chest lightly. I held him as close as I dared. "Love you, Christian.."

I kissed the top of his head lightly.

"Love you, Sy."

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**A/N: Just a little chapter this time. Longer, drama filled chapter next time. Promise!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hi all!**

**Lovely to see Chryed back the other day :)**

**My apologies, I uploaded the wrong chapter 13 the first time, so my apologies for any confusion caused!  
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**Hope you like this chapter. It's a little sexy time, and then some drama at the end.**

**xoxoxo**

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Christian POV:

Syed had made a truly remarkable recovery. In little over a month, he had gone from being bed-ridden, needing my help to simply cross from one end of the flat to the other, to being able to manoeuvre himself around the flat and beyond. The flat was littered with 'Get Well Soon' cards and gifts from well-wishers. Many of the Square's occupants had enquired as to Syed's condition, and several had asked to see him. However, knowing of Syed's adversity to attention, the only visitor I allowed into the flat, save for Tamwar and the occasional visit from Roxy and Amy, was Stacey. I knew that she would be eternally grateful to Syed for saving little Lily's life, and she was eager, desperate, almost, to rely that gratitude to him herself. As predicted, Syed was ever the modest gentleman, saying that he hadn't done anything special; that it was only what anyone else would have done.

As Syed practically bounded up the stairs ahead of me after we returned from his last intensive therapy session, I happily admired the view he gave me. He spun around at the top of the stairs, catching me staring at him.

"Liking what you see, are you Clarke?" he had an unmistakable glint in his eyes, and I bounded up the rest of the stairs to wrap my arms around him.

"You could say that," I teased him. " But, I can think of better things to look at.." as I was speaking, I reached around him and unlocked the door, backing him into the flat as soon as it was open.

"Oh you can, can you?" he raised an eyebrow at me as I closed the door behind us with my foot; my hands were busy undoing his belt and his shirt buttons.

"Yeah, I can," I nodded my agreement as his belt finally yielded to me and my hands began working on the zip on his jeans. "It starts with 'Syed' and ends with 'naked'." I whispered the last part into his ear as I practically ripped his shirt from his shoulders and watched as his jeans fell to the floor. I could tell that he was having trouble thinking straight, as his pulse started to quicken and his breath came in short, rapid bursts.

"Well, as lovely an idea this is, you have a client in half an hour." Syed averted his gaze, looking longingly at the bed which lay just a few feet from where we were standing in the doorway.

I chuckled as I brought my phone out of my pocket and scrolled through the phonebook to find the name of the client he had mentioned, pressing the dial button as my free hand played with the waistband of Syed's boxers.

"Steve, hi, Christian Clarke here. Listen mate, something's come up and I won't be able to make the training session this afternoon. Yeah, sorry, I know it's short notice. Listen, why don't I book you in one day next week, free of charge, my way of an apology for mucking you around? That's fine, thanks Steve. Sorry again." Ending the call, I threw my mobile onto the sofa, my attention back on the man in front of me. For the whole month since the fire, Syed had been trying to get me to yield to him, but somehow I had managed to resist him. His recovery had been the most important thing to me, and I hadn't wanted anything to get in the way of it, even if abstaining from him had been the most difficult thing I'd ever done.

"Christian Clarke, I never had you down as a skiver!" Syed gasped in mock horror as I tore the t-shirt I was wearing over my head.

"Well, I seem to have...pulled a muscle, and I thought you might like to rub it better for me.." I backed him up towards the bed as I let my jeans fall from my waist, stepping out of them as I lowered him towards the mattress.

"Oh really?" Syed swallowed hard as he tried to keep his head, both of us knowing it was only a matter of time before we both lost control. "And what…which muscle would that be?"

I kissed my way along his jaw as he fought for control, loving seeing him like this. Without speaking, I took his hand and glided it along my biceps, across my chest muscles, around and down my back muscles before finally dragging his hand lightly across my now rock hard cock. I was fighting for control myself now, desperate to have more contact from him. I heard him suck in his breath through clenched teeth as his hand finally made contact with me. I knew we were both desperate for each other, but I also knew that a few moments more waiting would make the inevitable blissful feelings that much more intense. Grabbing his hand again, I glided it down my leg muscles before finally bringing it back up to rest on my shoulder.

"You tell me, Sy. Which muscle do you think requires your…attention?" I groaned the last word into his ear as he wrapped his hand around my cock, tugging me fiercely, desperately, in a way that was almost painful. I kissed him hard as I shifted, moving his hand out of the way. I scooted in close to him, so that our cocks were touching, wrapping my hand around both at once and working them together. He urged his tongue into my mouth in response, neither of us able to contain our grunts and groans of pleasure as the moisture of our pre-cum aided our cocks as they slid against one another. I pouted as, moments later, Syed pulled away from me. I glanced up at him as he towered over me, pulling him down to meet my lips. I don't know how long we kissed for, the orgasms which had been fast approaching for both of us dying down slightly. Breathless when he pulled away, Syed rested his forehead against mine, his panting breaths washing over me.

"Sy…"

"I want to fuck you," Syed's eyes were filled with lust, and I was immediately more turned on. Nine times out of ten, I was the one who was doing the fucking, with Syed's lack of experience and his uncertainly about his body often making him shy away from taking a more dominant role. Although I was more than happy to take the lead, I was also eager for him to be comfortable enough in himself that the thought of taking the lead wouldn't embarrass him. But the occasional times he had taken the lead had been mind-blowing, and I was always eagerly anticipating the next time it would happen, hoping beyond hope that, this time, he would go bare.

"Yes.." my agreement came out in a hiss, and I found my hips unconsciously bucking towards him already. His mouth found mine again as he reached over to the bedside cabinet and smeared some lube onto his fingers. I wrapped my hand around his, coating my own hand in lube. He instinctively knew what to do and, as I took his cock in my hand, he slid first one then two fingers inside of me, preparing me for the immense pleasure that was about to come. I pulled him closer, lining his cock up with my entrance. I didn't know when he would enter me, but I knew that he would tease me, make me wait. "Please, Sy.." I practically whimpered in anticipation. Seconds later, I was rewarded when he tentatively pushed the head of his bare cock inside me, leaving it there to linger. I could feel my insides already trying to pull him in deeper, desperate to feel the rest of his length safely inside me. Before I had time to complain, though, it seemed that the lust had taken over him, and he determinedly pushed the rest of his length into me, slowly filling me completely, and I finally felt the full extent of his bare cock inside of me. "Fuck, Sy."

Suddenly, it was as though a different force had taken over him. He started to thrust into me so hard and fast, that I knew that I was only seconds away from coming around him. He was hitting the spot so forcefully time and time again, and as I looked up at him, his eyes were squeezed shut in pleasure, his occasional groans of pleasure fuelling my own.

"Sy…oh, God, Sy…Sy, I'm.." I didn't get the chance to finish what I was saying. As if out of nowhere, I felt my insides convulse around his cock, and I groaned his name as I came, feeling my cock explode at exactly the same time.

"Christian.." seconds later, Syed was coming too, I felt him release inside of me, and it was the most intense pleasure I had ever experienced. I screamed as I came around him again, my tensing muscles coaxing more and more fluid out of Syed's cock. He screamed my name as his orgasm continued, both of us holding one another tightly. Seconds later, Syed collapsed on top of me, both of us shaking from the intense power of what we had just felt. We lay together, panting, for what seemed like an eternity. My mouth felt dry, and every time I tried to speak, I was stopped by the intense need to cough. Eventually, when I found the strength to move again, I pressed my lips to Syed's forehead gently, a loving gesture which was the complete opposite of how passionate and frenzied our love making had been.

"God Sy, that was just…" I paused as he looked up at me, a little glint of fear in his eyes.

"What, Christian?" he barely mumbled, a blush starting to colour his cheeks, turning his face away from me.

"It was incredible." I managed to breathe out. He turned his face back to me, a small smile playing across his lips.

"Really?" I laughed out loud at his uncertainty, brushing a strand of hair out of his eyes so that I could look at him.

"Really," I chuckled back at him. "Sy, don't you know by now? No one has ever made me feel the way that you do. And…that…has never, ever happened to me before. Ever."

"What hasn't?" He looked genuinely confused, and I felt a smile creep onto my lips.

"That…one straight after the other.." I had never felt anything so intense that I had had one orgasm right after another. Even after all this time, the things that Syed did to me never failed to surprise me.

"What, never?" Syed looked unconvinced.

"Nope," I shook my head at him, rubbing my nose against his before kissing him softly.

Syed nestled himself closer into my chest, and I stroked a hand down his back as I felt him drift off to sleep slightly. As I looked at the sight before me, I realised that each and every tear I had ever cried over this man was worth it, just to feel him in my arms right now. I would go through everything I had and more if it meant that I could keep him in my life. I was just starting to get comfortable under him, feeling myself drift slightly, when a knock on the door brought me back to reality. Syed groaned into my chest as the knocking woke him with a start.

"Just leave it," he grumbled.

"It might be Tamwar. Or your mum."

"Definitely leave it, then!" he exclaimed, looking down at our tangled, naked bodies.

I laughed, kissed his hair and reluctantly moved out from under him, wrapping my dressing gown around myself as I made for the door, fully intending to yell at whoever it was that I was busy. I saw Syed start to get himself up, sitting up in bed and wrapping the covers around his naked body, just in case whoever it was at the door happened to want to come inside. The insistent knocking got louder and more frequent as I made my way over.

"Alright, alright!" I yelled at my unwanted visitor, wanting nothing more than to ignore the knocking and get back into bed with Syed. A wicked glint crossed my eyes. Maybe we could get back into bed and have rough, noisy sex to get rid of our guest. I laughed softly, shaking my head. I didn't think that Syed would be game for that idea, somehow. Reaching the door, I yanked it open, almost pulling it from its hinges in my irritation. I was greeted by an unfamiliar face, which made my irritation greater. At least if it had've been Roxy, I could have told her what I was doing and where to go. "Can I help you?"

"Sorry to disturb you, but would you happen to be Christian Clarke?" the girl in front of me spoke with an unsure voice, and was quite clearly either shy or nervous.

"That's me. Who's asking?" I really hoped this wouldn't take too long. I had gone without Syed for months, and I could feel myself getting eager to go again. I shifted nervously, trying to think of something to dispel my untimely erection, hoping that this girl hadn't noticed.

"Sorry, my name's Diana, Diana Price," Price? Where had I heard that name before? "I think you knew my mother, Susan Price?" Aha!

"Yeah, we were at school together.." I failed to see where this was going.

"Well, my mother recently passed away, and.."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. We were quite close during our schooldays." Poor Susie. I hadn't seen her in years, but it was still a shock to hear that she had died.

"Yes, I know. She spoke of you often, and I thought that you should know.."

"She did?" I found that hard to believe. Susie and I hadn't really parted on the best of terms, although I always had fond memories of her.

"Yes. But, when she died, I was clearing out some of her old things, and I came across some of her old diaries. Your name came up quite a lot," she paused, seeming unsure of whether or not to continue. "So, I did a little digging. And, well…" she took a deep breath, her eyes finally meeting mine for the first time. "I have reason to believe that you are my father."

My jaw dropped. I stared at her for a moment before I turned, my gaze meeting Syed's. He was wearing the same, open-mouthed expression as I was.

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**A/N: Cue duff-duffs! I know it's evil to leave you with a cliffy, but it's a way to guarantee that you guys keep reading!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hi all, apologies for the delay in posting an update, but I've been having some problems with my Internet and have only just managed to get back online.**

**Hope the last chapter left you all wanting more.**

**We are just carrying straight on from the last chapter.**

**xoxoxo**

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Christian POV:

How long I stood there, mouth open, gawping at her, I have no idea. A lifetime could have passed, and I wouldn't have known any different. Eventually, I realised that Diana was still standing in front of me, and was waiting for..well, I didn't know what exactly she was waiting for.

"Sorry, I.." I shook my head, trying to force myself to think straight. "It's just..this is a lot to take in..."

"Of course, I'm sorry."

"I just...I just don't know exactly what it is you want from me.." I saw her face physically drop. She was obviously expecting me to welcome her into my life with open arms, no questions asked.

"I just thought you had a right to know. Obviously I was wrong." She made to turn away, but I put a hand on her shoulder.

"Look, if you were expecting me to play the doting father just like that, then I'm sorry, but it's not gonna happen. I need time to take all of this in." She nodded in agreement.

"I'm sorry. I'm asking too much of you, aren't I?" I laughed softly.

"Just a little bit. Look, wait for me in the cafe, opposite the pub. We can talk there." She nodded her agreement and left. I sighed as I watched her go, completely bowled over by what had just happened. I turned back into the flat, closing the door gently behind me.

"Sy?" Syed had moved from his spot in the bed. As I called to him, he reappeared out of the bathroom, now fully dressed. "Sy.."

"I'm fine, Christian." He side stepped my attempt to embrace him, heading into the kitchen. I followed him through, following him until he was pressed against the counter units. I pressed myself into him, my chest flush against his back, so that he couldn't escape.

"Talk to me, Sy. Please." I heard him sigh and pressed a kiss to his neck.

"I just...I'm just in shock!" I laughed at him incredulously.

"And you think I'm not?" I hugged him close to me. "Sy, I'm just as shocked as you are, babe, if not more!" He spun around in my arms, wrapping his own arms around my waist. "It was..I was 16, at the time, and not so different from the way you were this time last year." He cocked an eyebrow at me. "I was coming to terms with being gay, trying to figure out how to tell my family, trying to accept it myself. I'd just been rejected by James, I gave him the come-on and he all but laughed in my face. It was only later I realised it was all an act, to hide who he really was. Susie was there for me when I was down and it just...happened. We were both drunk, it only happened once. I never saw her again after that night. The next day, her family moved away and I never even got a letter from her."

"What are you gonna do?" Syed averted his gaze from mine uncertainly. I placed my hands on the side of his head, turning him back to me.

"Nothing for you to worry your beautiful head over. No matter what I decide about this Diana, nothing will ever change between me and you. We've been through enough already." I ruffled his hair playfully before pecking his lips. "Now, I'd better get dressed and go to the cafe. The sooner I see her, the sooner I'll know where we stand." Syed nodded, capturing my lips once more before I headed out.

How long I stood outside the cafe, I don't know. I didn't have a clue what Diana wanted from me, and I didn't know what I could even offer her. If it was money she was after...I sighed, squaring my shoulders and heading inside. I gave a brief nod to Jane before my eyes landed on Diana, seated in the back corner, away from prying ears. Jane gave me a questionning look, which I returned, before I sat down opposite the girl. Neither of us spoke for a good few minutes. Neither of us knew what to say.

"Thank you," Diana eventually whispered. "For coming. I wasn't sure if you'd show."

"I said I would, didn't I?" Now that she had broken the ice a little, I was finding it a little easier to talk to her. I was still reeling from her news, of course, but it looked like I was going to have to be _responsible_ from now on. I supressed a shudder at the thought. "Look, you've seen the way I am...it doesn't take much to notice. I'm gay, and you arriving in my life isn't going to change that. The guy you saw in the flat, Syed, he..he's everything to me, and I won't be letting him go because I've found out about you -"

"No, of course!" She looked at me incredulously. "Mr Clarke -"

"Christian."

"OK, Christian," she nodded. "Look, I'm not here to ruin your life, or change you, or make you split up with your boyfriend. In fact, I don't really know why I came. I just..I found the diaries, and I thought you had a right to know." I nodded my agreement.

"Look, your mum and me...we were close at high school. I was going through a rough time and she was there for me when no one else was. We slept together once, and I never saw her again. She moved away, and the thought that she could have been pregnant never even crossed my mind. I never saw her after that night. I knew who I was when it happened; I knew I was gay, but by being with her, I was trying to deny it, deny who I was. I'm not saying it was a mistake, but if you had the idea that we had this fairytale romance and were totally in love with each other, I'm afraid you're in for a disappointment."

"Christian, I wasn't really looking for anything from you. Really. I just wanted a chance to see my father, and tell him that he had a daughter."

"I appreciate it, Diana. I really do. Even if you have turned my world upside down." We both laughed. "Listen, I would like to get to know you. So long as you can handle family drama, and me being gay."

"Trust me, I've had plenty of experience on the drama side," she smiled at me, the first time I'd ever seen her smile. When the smile reached her eyes, I noticed that she had my eyes, and felt a strange sense of pride. "And, you being gay..I think it's kinda cool. It's kinda like I have two dads." I laughed and nodded.

"Yeah, I know Sy'll want to get to know you, too." I pushed a napkin across to her. "This is my mobile number. Give me a call, and we'll arrange a time to meet again." She nodded, smiled and left. I smiled to myself, looking up as Jane came over to join me.

"What was all that about?"

"That...was your niece."

"What!" I grinned at her, happiness replacing the shock I had felt when she had first turned up on my doorstep.

"She's my daughter," I laughed at the look of shock on her face. "Yeah, tell me about it! Turn up for the books or what?" I told Jane the story of how Diana had come to be standing on my doorstep, and she had her mouth hanging open the full time.

"I didn't even know you'd ever slept with a woman!" Jane shook her head at me in disbelief.

"I know, Jane." My phone started buzzing in my pocket. "Two secs, it's Sy." Jane left me to it, going to serve another late night customer. "Hey babe. You OK?"

"Christian," his voice sounded shaky down the phone, and I leapt to my feet, waving goodbye to Jane as I left. "Can you come home, please?"

"I'm on my way babe. What's wrong?" It had been such a long time since Syed or I had been upset that hearing tears in his voice really scared me.

"Just come home. Please." The last word was whispered, and then the line went dead. I hurried home, eager to get to Syed to comfort him. The fact that I didn't even know _why_ he needed comforting was what scared me the most. As soon as the door was open, I flung myself up the stairs and unlocked the second doorway, hurrying inside and calling to him.

"Sy?" He wasn't in the main area of the flat. "SY?" I headed to the bathroom, but he had locked the door. I knocked gently. "Sy, talk to me." A few moments later, the door opened and he flung himself into my arms. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled me to it, gently cradling him and shushing him. "Sy, what is it?"

"Qadim," it was barely a whisper, but I heard him.

"Amira's dad? He's been here?" I was instantly on edge. If Qadim had laid so much as a finger on him..

"No," he shook his head. "He called me. Out of the blue."

"And?"

"It's Amira. It turns out she was pregnant after all, when she left.." I felt as though the breath was knocked out of me. In one night, both Syed and I had discovered a child we had known nothing about. "Amira, she went into premature labour. She was only 6 and a half months gone. There were complications, and she died during childbirth."

"Sy, I'm sorry," I held him closer to me. Even after all we'd been through, I knew he still cared about Amira. I still cared for her. And now she was gone. "And the baby?"

"He survived," I let out a breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding.

"I'm sensing a but," Syed struggled against me, trying to get out of my embrace. I locked my arms around his waist, careful that I wasn't accidentally suffocating him. "Sy?"

"Qadim gave me an ultimatum. I can leave, tonight, and go to Pakistan with him and raise my child. Or.." He looked up at me, his eyes pleading with me, and I knew that he had already made his decision. "Or he's gonna kill him," he managed to choke out, burying his head in my shoulder. I shook my head in disbelief. Qadim was a cold, ruthless bastard, but I didn't think he had it in him to kill a child, let alone his own grandson.

"He's bluffing," I managed after a moment. "He may be an evil bastard, but there's no way in hell he's kill an innocent child."

"Wouldn't he?" Syed gave me a knowing look. "I just...I can't take that chance, Christian. He's my son and, if anything happened to him, if Qadim made good on his threat, I'd never forgive myself." The tears were running down both our faces, and in that moment, I knew. I knew that I had lost him yet again, and that there was no point in trying to change his mind. I couldn't compete with his son, I had known that from the start. I nodded in defeat, my arms dropping to my sides, my posture starting to slump already. He cupped my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him. "I will always love you, Christian." I nodded, and he captured my lips. I kissed him back, relishing in the moment and committing it to memory. I opened my eyes, and he was gone. Collapsing onto a heap on the floor, I cried out my anguish and my pain.

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**A/N: Sorry! I had to get some drama back in here somehow! I think I may be close to wrapping this story up now.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hi all!**

**This chapter is based around 6 months after the last chapter, and consists of present day and flashbacks.**

**I've switched between Christian and Syed POV to show both sides of the story, and how they are both coping after being ripped apart once again.**

**Flashbacks are in _italics_.**

**Hope you guys like it**

**xoxoxo**

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Christian POV:

Six months have passed since I last saw him. Six months since I spoke to him, held him, kissed him. Six months, and I'm still here, in the same place, still mourning him. Jane, Tamwar and Roxy have all called and tried to console me, but the truth is, I don't want to be consoled. I don't want to brush myself off and move on again. All I want is him. If he walked back through that door and fell to his knees and begged for forgiveness, I would take him into my arms and tell him that everything would be OK. But the harsh reality is lonely and cold. Getting to know my long lost daughter hasn't helped to lessen the pain. Nothing has. And in truth, I don't want the pain to lessen. The pain I feel is the only thing keeping me going, as crazy as it sounds. The pain is my only reminder that this was real, that he really was here, that I really was capable of loving someone.

xo

_I haven't moved from the spot I fell to when he left me. I am still here, slumped against the wall, the tears having stopped for now, but still stained onto my face. My mobile has been ringing insistently for the last few hours, but I haven't answered it. What's the point? It's not him; I can see his mobile lying abandoned on the table. Darkness has fallen, but I can't will myself to turn on the light. What's the point, when all I'll be able to see is the quiet desolation that the flat has become since he left it? Eventually, people stop calling me. I fall into an uneasy sleep, always waking to the same heart-wrenching fact - that he isn't here. My dreams mock me, they show him to me and just when I think that I have him, that he really is back here this time, I wake into the harsh reality that is my loneliness. I hear a knock on the door, but I can't make myself answer it. It won't be him, so therefore it's a pointless effort. I can hear Jane calling for me, but I don't have the strength or want in me to answer her. I can feel myself getting hungry, but don't see the point in eating. I move from my spot on the floor only once, and that is to use the bathroom._

_A few more hours of torturous sleep pass, and I wake with a start. I hear a key turning in the lock, and my eyes light up in hope. My hopes are dashed, and I once again fall back to reality._

_"Christian?" He can't see me sitting here; the flat is dark. His voice tortures me, speaking my name in the exact same way, with the exact same tone and accent. I don't make my presence known, hoping that he'll leave. I blink as the light enters my eyes, and I know he's seen me. He doesn't move to comfort me, for which I am glad. He walks right past me and into the kitchen. I hear alien noises, and it takes me a while to realise that he's making coffee. He places a cup into my hands, ensuring I have a decent grip on it before moving away from me. He sits on the sofa and I can feel his eyes scrutinizing me. He doesn't speak, just waits until he can listen. I don't want to tell him, even though I know I must. Telling him would mean admitting it to myself, and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that just yet. But the way he shifts himself, makes himself comfortable, tells me that he isn't going anywhere any time soon. I sigh, making myself move, placing my coffee cup on the table beside his phone and make myself move to the bathroom. Without glancing in the mirror, I wash the tear stains from my face and go back out to face what I know must be._

_"Why do you have a key?" I know my question is pointless, but I can't seem to help myself. By asking him this, I can delay the inevitable that little bit longer._

_"Syed gave it to me," hearing his name cuts my already broken heart into even smaller pieces. I bite my tongue to prevent myself from crying out in pain, and collapse onto the bed. The rest of his sentence is cut out as I allow the pain to wash over me, hoping that, by allowing it to consume me, in time I will be able to learn how to live with it. I know that he is staring at me, and has asked me a question and is now waiting for my answer, and I know that the time has come._

_"Sorry?" I wonder if he notices the change in my voice, how it seems to have turned just as helpless and broken as I feel myself._

_"I was just saying, do you know where Syed is? He was supposed to be meeting me earlier." There it was again. The pain from hearing his name. I knew that it was just yet another thing I needed to learn to become accustomed to feeling._

_"He's gone, Tam," it barely comes out in a whisper. Even so, I know that he has heard me. I can feel his gaze turn from one of concern to one of confusion, and I answer his question before he even has a chance to ask it. "He's gone to Pakistan with Qadim and his son." And so, even though my heart almost breaks, I tell him the story of how I lost the only man I will ever love once more. He is patient with me, not pushing me for more information, knowing and trusting that I will tell him all I know in time. He stays with me all night, ignoring the calls of his mother telling him to come home, instead turning off his mobile and staying with me while I sobbed my heart out. I had to admire him for that; not many people can stomach watching a grown man cry._

xo

I sigh, somehow managing to wake myself from my shell of sadness and grief. I'm meeting Diana for a catch-up, but if I'm honest, I really don't feel up to it. Even though it's all I've done lately, I just want to curl up in a ball and let the misery overtake me again. I have held and cried onto everything of Syed's so much now that none if it smells like him anymore, which makes me want to cry more. I haven't been able to make myself throw away any of his things, as unlikely as it is that he will return. His things don't belong to me; they aren't mine to throw away. I don't think I could ever bring myself to do it. His material possessions are the only things I have left of him now. Although I know he won't pick up, considering his mobile is here, I sometimes call his number just to hear the sound of his voice on the recording. It has become a little easier to fall asleep without him, but I know now that I won't be able to have another decent night's sleep as long as I live. If I do manage to fall into an uneasy slumber, it is only to awaken to the harsh reality which surrounds me.

I manage to pick myself up off the floor and drag myself to the bathroom, shocked, as always, at the sight in the mirror. I look like I'm wasting away, which is exactly what I am doing. Don't get me wrong, I am eating, when I remember, or when Jane or Tamwar or Diana force me into it. What's affecting me more is the lack of sleep I'm getting. All of the food I do eat is all being used up during the night, when I pace around the flat for hours on end, or walk the streets aimlessly, trying to exhaust myself enough that I can actually get some sleep. The business has suffered as well, of course, and in the end, the clients just stopped calling to re-book their appointments. But money, the business Syed and I built, none of it means anything without him. The couple of thousand of pounds I have in the bank I'd willing give up if it meant I could just see Syed again, even for a moment. Anything I have to do, I'll do it, just to hold him in my arms again.

* * *

Syed POV:

Time is meaningless to me. It passes slowly, and each day seems the same as the last. Without him, here, by my side, it all seems worthless. I didn't have a choice, of course. If Qadim had made good on his threat, and had killed my son, I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself. I knew that, and I think, deep down, Christian had too. Of course, Christian had been right, as usual. Qadim's threat was an empty one, there had never been any chance of him killing his only grandson. But still I was trapped here, in a foreign country, with no way of getting home to him. Qadim had provided us with a house, and had ensured that it was constantly guarded. There was no way I could get out. I wasn't even allowed to go to the market. I was only allowed out to go to Mosque, and then only when I was able to be heavily guarded. Qadim was watching every move I made. He knew if I breathed. I didn't even know if my family knew where I was, that they had a grandson. I thought Christian might tell Tamwar, but I wasn't sure if my parents would listen to him long enough for him to tell them. I was desperate for a way out, but for the life of me, I couldn't see one.

I looked up, disturbed from my thoughts as my son started crying. I went to him, picking him up and soothing him. He was my only comfort now, even if I did despise the name Qadim had given him. Mohamad. A name which meant so much in my faith, but one which I never would have chosen for my own son. Qadim had chosen that name more to spite me than because it was a name he favoured. He knew that I would look at my son and see that he had been named to remind me of all of the things I had done which went against my faith. I would look at my son, and be reminded of all that I had lost. As if I needed to be reminded. Christian was in every thought I had. Every waking moment, I thought of him. I missed him more with every passing second. I would give almost anything to see him again. I say almost, because Qadim has made it very clear. I may see Christian again, go back to the way we were before, move back to Walford, be with my soul mate again. But, should I choose to do that, I would lose my son forever. He would make him disappear; he wouldn't kill him, but he would be untraceable to me. It was a choice between the man I loved and the son I thought I'd never have. But Christian understood. I knew he did. I could see it in his eyes the day I left him.

xo

_I leave the flat, taking nothing but the clothes on my back and my passport. Qadim gave me clear instructions. I didn't need to waste time packing unnecessary things like my belongings. Not even my mobile or my wallet. He would replace everything I needed. As I round the corner and enter the Tube station, I feel my heart starting to ache. And then I know. This pain will be with me for the rest of my life. I welcome it. I move automatically, following Qadim's instructions to the letter. When I get on the Tube, I block out everything around me and replay just some of the moments I've shared with Christian in the last few months. I take his picture out of my coat pocket. I always carry a picture of him around with me now, but I don't entirely know why, since he is usually with me. Realising with a start that Qadim will most likely have me searched and will take any trace of my former life from me, I carefully fold Christian's picture and tuck it down my boxers, trusting that Qadim won't bother to search me there._

_I reach the airport, and Qadim is there with his henchmen and, as promised, my son. He tells me his name, the tone of his voice leaving no room for debate. He hands him to me, once I've been searched, and the immense rush of pride and joy I feel numbs the pain I feel in my heart somewhat. I work on autopilot for the rest of the day, doing as I'm told by Qadim until we board the plane. Once seated, my heart starts to race as I realise, this is it. The wheels have been set in motion, and only now do I finally come to terms with the fact that I will never see Christian again. The pain is made worse by the fact that I've hurt him once again, something I swore I would never do. As the plane takes off, I turn away from Qadim's henchmen towards the window and allow a single tear to fall down my cheek._

_A few hours later, and I'm settled into the new house in Pakistan. The double bed I'm lying in feels too big, too cold, too empty, too different. Now that I'm finally left alone to sleep, with the guards around the house rather than inside it, I finally let myself break down. I cry silently, the tears flowing thick and fast, for the life I've given up. Taking his picture out of my mattress where I stored it earlier, I stare at his face in the moonlight, comforted for a moment that somewhere out in the world, he is thinking of me and missing me, just as I am him. Although the last thing I want is for him to be in pain, it's a strange comfort to know that, despite the distance between us, I'm not going through this alone._

xo

Eventually, I get Mohamad to settle and carefully place him back into his cot. My son is the one thing that is keeping me going, the only thing that is making me strong. I sigh and fling myself down onto my bed, allowing all of the pain and misery from the day to wash over me. I know that I cannot allow Qadim or any of his guards see that I am regretting my decision to move to Pakistan, or I know that Qadim will take my son from me and will make him lost to me forever. If Qadim sees just how much I wish I was back with Christian, that none of this had ever happened, I will be taken from my son quicker than I can say 'Allah'. I immediately berate myself for wishing that I had never met my son. I remind myself that it is the pain and heartache which is making me feel this way; that it is not Mohamad's fault that he was born into this world with Qadim as a grandfather.

I wish for a moment that none of this had happened. That I had left with Christian while I still had the chance. He offered me chance after chance before I married Amira, but I had never been brave enough to take any of them. If I had accepted his last offer before my wedding, we would be together right now, in Barcelona or somewhere else in the world. It wouldn't matter where we were, as long as we had each other. But I knew that we wouldn't be truly happy, not really. I would always be looking over my shoulder, expecting Qadim to hunt us down at every turn. Eventually, Christian would tire of it and we would end up in exactly the same situation we are in now, but for the fact that Christian would no longer love me. I often catch myself wondering if Christian is still in love with me the way that I am in love with him, but I immediately know the answer is yes. We have already proved that our love lasts across time and across situations. I hope that, whatever he is doing right now, he is happy, but realise how futile that hope is. We were both only ever truly happy when we were together.

I know now that the only way I'm ever going to be free of this life is if Qadim suddenly has a personality transplant, or if Qadim dies. The likelihood of each is slim, considering that he has always hated me and has always liked to see me suffer and is therefore unlikely to allow me to go back to Christian with my son. Secondly, considering that Qadim is always surrounded by henchmen with guns, the likelihood of him getting killed any time soon is zero. As sick as it sounds, I do sometimes find myself wishing that he would die, just so that my pain and suffering, and that of Christian, would be able to end. Whenever these thoughts enter my head, however, I immediately pray for forgiveness. I must have faith in Allah, I constantly remind myself. He is the one who brought me to Christian, and, if it is meant to be, He will also be the one who will lead me back to him, in the end.

xo

More days pass, and I realise that Qadim hasn't graced us with his presence in a good few days. Perhaps a week has passed since I last saw him, which is unusual as he usually checks in once every couple of days to ensure that I am 'behaving myself'. He doesn't care much for his grandson, I have realised, and always asks one of the housemaids to take care of him while he visits. I feel the frustration of being unable to speak to the housemaids; Qadim had given them strict instructions not to talk to me unless it was absolutely necessary. I heave myself off my bed, leaving my room for the first time in days. I immediately realise that the house is too quiet. I manage to find a housemaid some time later, in the kitchen. I approach her slowly, smiling softly at her. I am surprised when she smiles back, and decide to try to communicate with her.

"Ḩyth Shāh as-Syd?" I ask her where Mr Shah is, assuming that she knows the name of her master.

"Lys Hw Hhnā," she replies that he is not here, keeping the conversation as short as possible for fear that he will appear and find her talking to me, I assume.

"Mtá Syʻwd?" I ask her when he will be back, and she gives me a funny look.

"ʼBdā," she exclaims, and I give her a confused look. "as-Syd Shāh Māt." Her last statement knocks me off my feet, literally. I feel myself collapse into a pile on the floor. She gives me a concerned look and rushes to help me.

"ʼNā Bkhyr," I tell her I'm fine, and ask her to elaborate. I try to take in her story, unable to believe what I am hearing. As she finishes her tale, I pick myself up off the floor and head outside to see that she is right. Qadim is dead, and the henchmen who once worked for him have taken off, since their contract is now nul and void, and they didn't want to work for him in the first place. They, and I along with them, are finally free.

* * *

**A/N: I used Google Translate for the Arabic translations, so if there is anyone who speaks Arabic reading this and finds any mistakes, I apologise.**

**Also, this is me, so did you really expect me to let Qadim rip these two apart again? Come on! Qadim's an evil ******* who got what he deserved, in this story, at least.**

**A couple more chapters, and then I think its time to let these two have some peace!**

**Reviews, as always, appreciated.  
**

**xoxoxo  
**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hi all!**

**I hope the last chapter wasn't too obvious.**

**Although, you all should have known that there was no way I wasn't going to give Chryed a happily ever after!**

**This chapter carries on straight from the last one, with Syed still reeling over the fact that Qadim is dead.**

**Quite a bit from Syed's POV this chapter, as I feel I've been neglecting him in this story. Christian needs a rest, and Syed wants to come out and play for a while.**

**It's a long chapter, and I sincerely hope that you don't get bored halfway through!**

**Happy reading!**

**xoxoxo**

* * *

Syed POV:

Ten minutes later, and the few belongings I owned and actually wanted to keep were stored into a small carry on bag, and I was ready to go. I had convinced the housemaid to let me into Qadim's office here in my house and, sure enough, I was able to find the passports he had taken from me at the airport and a large sum of money. I handed what consisted of a small fortune to the housemaid before grabbing my carry on bag in one hand and my son's carry seat and bag in the other. I knew I looked like I had done something wrong, as I was rushing through the unfamiliar streets, but I had only one objective in mind right now; to get as far away from that house as I could. Five minutes later, I had found myself along one of the main streets, and managed to hail a cab without much difficulty. I clambered inside, making sure that my son's carry seat was secure in the seat beside me. Now that I had a cab, there was only once place I wanted to go; the airport.

The start of the cab ride was slow, the streets busy with people trying to clamour about their daily lives. When the cab finally managed to get onto the highway, however, the journey was soon over. I paid the driver a generous tip before heading into the building and over to the information desk, asking for a ticket on the first plane to London. Thankfully, the woman at the desk spoke English, for which I was relieved; on the occasions that Qadim had visited me, he had insisted on speaking in Arabic, and a little bit of British familiarity was a welcome comfort.

The next available flight was departing in just under an hour, and I was thankfully able to book myself onto it, first class, courtesy of Qadim. It was almost a comfort to me that he could at least do one nice thing for his grandson in his life time; after being cooped up in that house for months on end, I felt we were entitled to a little luxury, even if the baby wasn't exactly old enough to appreciate any of it. I was pleased that the wait inside the airport was short; I would have gone crazy sitting there with nothing to do. I kept getting compliments on how cute my son was from complete strangers who I would never see again in my life. I happened to be sat across from a pay phone, and it took everything I had not to run over, call Christian and tell him I was coming home. As desperate as I was to hear his voice again, I wanted to walk in and surprise him more than anything.

As I boarded the plane with my son, I felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. For the first time in months, I couldn't stop myself from smiling. My heart finally started beating again, and I felt as though it was going to burst through my chest at any moment. I felt the plane lift into the air, and I already felt more at home than I had done in months.

xo

A few hours later, and the plane had landed. I was finally back on English soil. I could practically smell the sweetness of a reunion in the air. I knew I was still a while away from Walford, and that there were some things I needed to get straight before I was reunited with Christian, but I could still almost feel him pressed against me.

As I got off the Tube some time later and rounded the corner, I saw Tamwar walking down Bridge Street, and I hoped that he was on his way to see Christian. I hoped that at least one member of my family was kind enough to make sure he was alright. I couldn't describe it, but I had a nagging feeling that some members of my family had known more than they had let on. When Qadim had been visiting me, he had occasionally mentioned my mum a few times. I couldn't help but feel that she had known more about what had happened than even I did. And so, with a heavy heart, dreading what was about to happen, I made my way to my parents' house, knocking lightly and hoping beyond hope that my dad was still on his morning rounds.

The door opened, and relief washed through me momentarily.

"Syed?" The look on my mum's face was priceless. I was clearly the last person she had expected to see.

"Hi, mum. Can we come in?"

* * *

Christian POV:

The meeting with Diana yesterday had been less than successful. She had been going on and on about what was happening in her life right now, but I had barely been listening. A consequence of not sleeping very much, combined with the lack of food and the pain which I felt. She soon realised this, and had given me a weak smile. I had apologised for not being much company, and we had parted soon after that. I had pretty much headed straight back to the flat, stopping in the Minute Mart to collect a few things, just in case I fancied something to eat later on. I narrowly avoided bumping into Zainab and Masood on the way back out of the shop; I didn't really want them to stand there gloating at me about how great Syed's life was now that he was back on the straight and narrow.

But something had changed in me today. Last night, for the first time in six months, I had slept for a full night. And I felt so much better for it. I'm sitting on the sofa, which is a small step up from the floor I had been occupying for months now. And I can actually concentrate enough now to read the latest edition of Attitude, rather than let it go to waste and end up in the bin, as had been the norm for the last few months.

A key turns in the door, and although I want nothing more than to stay here on the sofa where I am, I somehow manage to heave myself off the sofa to greet Tamwar. I was glad that, since I couldn't have any contact with the Masood brother I loved, I could at least be consoled by the brother I liked.

"Hey, Tam," I stood aside to let him in. "How you doing?" Even with those few spoken words, I could hear the sadness in my voice.

"Shouldn't I be the one asking you?" I gave him a sarcastic look, which felt oddly good. "Right, I know, stupid question."

"I'm getting there, Tam. Slowly, but surely, I'm getting there." I headed into the kitchen, sticking the kettle on.

"'Getting there?' What does that mean?" I saw the look of confusion etched on his face.

"Last night, I slept for a full night. I mean, a full night. For the first time since he left. And it felt great."

"So, you're not getting over him?" I laughed incredulously, shaking my head.

"I could never get over him, Tam. Syed, he's been my life for so long now, I don't even know how to get over him, even if I wanted to." He nodded, looking slightly relieved.

"Good, because I don't know if I could cope if someone else started acting like Syed never existed." I shook my head again, handing him a cup of tea. "Thanks."

"Even if, by some unfathomable miracle, I manage to find someone else, Syed will always be a part of my life. I'll never forget him, no matter what I do."

"You sound so convinced that he's never coming back."

"Do you think he is? Really?"

"I dunno, Christian. I really dunno. Part of me thinks he's gonna come back one day, but another part of me thinks he's gone for good."

"We have to hang onto our hope, Tam. If we give up on that, what do we have? I want him to come back, of course I do, but in reality, I can't see it happening any time soon."

Tamwar nodded his agreement.

"Listen, I'd better be getting back. The restaurant's supposed to be opening tomorrow, and mum's having kittens as it is." I laughed, feeling better than I had done in days. I saw him out, part of me feeling happy for the first time in six months. I could even hear it in my voice as I said goodbye to him; my voice sounded lighter and more carefree than it had done since the day my life had been turned upside down yet again.

* * *

Syed POV:

She noticed, for the first time, the baby I was carrying in my arms, and I could see her eyes glaze over. She stood aside to let us in, and ushered us into the sitting room. Once inside, she was instantly cooing over the baby.

"Oh, he is beautiful, Syed! Can I hold him?"

"I didn't come here to let you play grandmother, mum. I came to ask you a question. And I want an honest answer." I looked her in the eye, but she avoided my gaze. "Did you know what Qadim was going to do to me?"

"Syed?" She was trying to play the innocent, but I wasn't having it.

"Did you know he was going to make me go to Pakistan?"

"Syed, what you need to understand is - "

"Nothing, ma. You've told me all I need to know." I made to leave, but she grabbed me by the arm.

"I was trying to do what's right by you, Papou," she started. "This was a chance for you to start over, where no one knew you, where you could get on with your life, forget about everything that's happened here. If you could get that man out of your life, you could be really happy, Papou."

"I was happy, mum! Did you know where I was staying? When I was in Pakistan?" She was silent, which gave me all the answer I needed. "You knew where I was, and yet you still let me stay there, knowing it wasn't what I wanted. Knowing that I wanted to come home. You let me suffer like that?"

"I was only thinking of you, Syed.."

"How could you do this to me, ma? Were you that desperate to see me unhappy?"

"Of course not, Syed! Your happiness was the only thing I was thinking about."

"Well I will be happy again, ma, no thanks to you. I'm going home, to Christian. And I don't want you coming round. You're not going to play any part in my son's life."

"No, Syed," she covered her mouth with her hand. "Syed, please - "

"You gave up any rights when you plotted with Qadim. Why should I let you see him?"

"Please, Syed. You can't let that - that man bring my grandson up. I won't have it."

"You don't have any say. I'll bring my son up as I see fit." I shook myself out of her hold and slammed the door behind me on the way out. I bumped into my dad outside, but I ignored him just as he ignored me. I was done with my 'family'. Christian, my son and Tamwar were all I needed now, and I was desperate to be reunited with my lover.

* * *

Christian POV:

A knock on my door while I'm finishing clearing away the dishes from Tamwar's visit. Another pointless person I have no interest in seeing, no doubt. Nevertheless, I make myself open it, more than surprised by the person standing behind it.

"James," I breathe, standing aside to let him in. "What are you doing here?" I hadn't expected to see him after the way I had treated him last time he was here.

"You could be a bit happier to see me, Chris." He pulled me into a hug. Although it felt good to be in another man's arms, my body instinctively knew that this touch wasn't right, wasn't what it wanted, what it needed. I break myself out of the embrace as soon as it's polite to do so, perching myself on the back of the sofa.

"Sorry, I'm just surprised to see you, especially -"

"Jane called," he interrupted me. I always hated it when he did that. And when he called me Chris. "She was worried about you, wanted me to try to help you." He looked me over as he talked, and I was thankful that I had managed to shave this morning.

"I'm fine, really." I don't even believe me.

"Come on," he sits on the sofa, pulling me down next to him. "Tell me all about it."

xo

I find it remarkably easy to talk to James, despite the lack of contact we've had recently. He doesn't push me, and doesn't try to get me to cheer up. He's patient with me, and gives me time to find the right words to describe how I feel.

"I gotta tell you, Chris, I never thought I'd see the day that you'd settle down and live the domestic life."

"Tell me about it," I find I'm actually smiling now, one of the first genuine smiles I've had in months.

"I envy him, I really do. I sometimes wish it was me you could have settled with. I've always hoped for that." He has that look in his eyes, and I know what he wants. He wants me to tell him that we can settle down, now that Syed's gone. But I can't. It wouldn't be fair on either of us. I'd be forever mourning the loss of my one true love, and he'd be stuck playing second best, knowing I didn't truly love him. Before I realise what he's doing, he's grabbed my neck and pulled my lips in to meet his. The warmth of them feels nice, but I know that it's wrong. He attempts to deepen the kiss, and for a moment I let him, just to test. But I feel just how I knew I would; wrong, empty. This kiss didn't make me feel alive, like it does - did - whenever I kissed Syed. It felt nice, sure, but there was no electricity, no spark, no connection. And I knew there never would be. I pulled away, giving him a weak smile.

"It's never gonna work between us, James. I'm sorry.."

He shook his head, a cold laugh erupting from his lips.

"We never did manage to get it right, you and me. We were always in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"I am sorry." And I really was. The tiniest part of me wanted to be able to fall for James, for anyone, just so that I could use them to block out some of the pain. But I knew it wouldn't be fair, or right. "You deserve someone who can love you, James. Someone who can give himself to you fully, without looking back on a life he once had and craves to have again." He simply nodded, standing up and heading towards the door in defeat.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry. About Syed." I gave him a slight nod as he headed out of the flat, faced once again with the cold, harsh emptiness.

* * *

Syed POV:

I'm walking along Bridge Street and the stalls are decorated for Christmas. I didn't realise it was that time of year. Being locked up with Qadim for all those months made me lose my sense of time. I'm almost there. People in the street try to stop me to ask me where I've been, how I am, but I'm so focused on being reunited with Christian that I ignore them and hurry away, and in doing so, I walk smack into someone.

"Sorry!" I manage to burst out before realising that it was Tamwar that I almost knocked over.

"Syed.." His eyes are wide, his mouth almost touching the floor.

"Hey, Tambo." He walked towards me, and I captured him in a hug, careful of the baby in my arms. He pulled back from me to look at his nephew.

"He's lovely, Syed. He looks just like you."

"Thanks, Tam. Listen, I need a favour.." I relayed everything to Tamwar, about how mum had known all about where I was all along, and what Qadim was going to do to me. He looked at me in awe as I told him just how low she has stooped.

"I just can't believe she would do that." He shook his head. "But, what did you need me to do?"

"I can't keep this little one with me, for obvious reasons," I gestured to my son and then raised an eyebrow, hoping he'd get the message. He did.

"Yeah, too much information, Syed."

"Sorry. But I don't want mum anywhere near him, again for obvious reasons."

"So what am I supposed to do?"

"Take him," I handed him the carry seat, making sure he had a secure hold on my son, before digging my wallet out of my jeans. "Go to a hotel, any hotel, and stay the night with him. He won't be any trouble, I promise." I handed him a few hundred pounds out of the money I'd taken from Qadim's desk and had converted back into sterling. "Please, Tam." He reluctantly nodded his agreement and I handed him the bag containing my son's things. "Sorry to get you involved in all of this, Tambo."

"Don't worry about it. Mum may kill me when she finds out, but apart from that.." I laughed with him, pulling him in for another careful hug.

"Thanks, Tam. I owe you. Can I get the set of keys I gave you? I want to surprise him." He nodded and handed them to me. "How's he been?" I was eager to see for myself, but if he had been as bad as before, I wanted to mentally prepare myself for it.

"Really? Not good, Syed. He's lost weight, he's miserable, naturally, and he's barely sleeping. He barely makes it out of the house most days. The business has been suffering, and he must be running pretty low on money by now but, honestly, I don't think he cares. The only thing he cares about is you, and it's killing him, living without you. Every time I've seen him over the last few months, he's been crying." It killed me to know that Christian was hurting, but I knew that, soon enough, we would both stop hurting.

"Thanks, Tam. I'm glad that I know that about him." I turned to walk towards Turpin Road when he called me back.

"Syed," I turned back to him. "What's his name?" I thought for a moment. I didn't want my son to be called by the name given to him by Qadim, but I had never really thought of which other name I would give him.

"I haven't decided yet, Tam." He gave me a confused look. "I'll fill you in in the morning." He nodded, and I turned away from him again, racing down the remainder of Bridge Street and down Turpin Road, until I was face to face with that blue door that had been my home and my safe haven for so long. I took a deep breath, looking at the bag on my shoulder and deciding that, since Tamwar had all of my son's belongings, I didn't want the things that Qadim had bought for me. I'd rather own nothing than the clothes on my back, which I would discard of soon enough, than own things forced upon my by the man I loathed. I took the bag from my shoulder and threw it next to the trash cans near the chippy, glad to be rid of any reminders of Qadim. The only thing of Qadim's I held onto was the money, since, according to Tamwar, I'd be needing it. I swallowed, unlocking the blue door before I could have any more interruptions or distractions, and was about to bound up the stairs when I ran straight into someone else. I looked up, hoping beyond hope that it was Christian I had bumped into, my face falling when I saw James standing in front of me.

"James?" Tamwar hadn't mentioned that Christian had been seeing James again, and I felt a stab of jealousy. Were they back together? Was Christian slowly starting to get over me, already?

"Syed?" He sounded as surprised to see me as I was to see him. "I don't…what are you doing here? Chris said that.."

"I was gone, yeah. Was. But now I'm back, and I want Christian back. For good." I added the last part for emphasis, and stressed the use of Christian's full name to let him know that his services were no longer required.

"Do you know what you did to him, by leaving him?"

"I've a pretty good idea, yeah."

"He's been going through hell these past few months."

"And you really think I haven't?" I didn't have time for this; I didn't want to risk Christian coming out and seeing us arguing in the middle of the staircase.

"If you hurt him again, Syed.."

"I won't.. believe me, I won't." He glared at me for a second, before I side stepped him and bounded my way up the rest of the stairs, glad to hear that he had left by the way the outside door slammed behind him. I paused before I unlocked the main door to the flat, listening closely. I couldn't hear any noise from inside, which was a relief. It seemed that, for now, he must have stopped crying. I frowned when I realised that it was probably because James had visited him. Maybe they had fucked, just for old time's sake? I took a deep breath, unlocking the only door which was keeping me from him.

I stepped inside, suddenly feeling nervous. What if, despite everything Tamwar had said, Christian hated me? What if he never wanted to see me again? What if he wanted to get together with James? Would I stand a chance against his lifelong friend? And then I saw him, and my nervousness melted away. He was in the kitchen, and had his back to me. I made to speak, but it was as though I had lost all of my words. I tried to move, but I was captivated for a moment by the sight in front of me. Although he had definitely lost weight, he still looked like the stupendous God I remembered, and I was more than ready to worship him. All of these feelings occurred in only a few seconds, and I realised he still hadn't seen me.

"Thought you had to get back? Zainab won't be very pleased when she finds out you're skipping her big restaurant opening to hang out with the village Queen." I had to hold back a laugh, and was glad to hear him sounding more like his old self than Tamwar had described. I again frowned as I realised that was possibly down to James. I open my mouth to speak, but he starts before I can get the chance. "Tam? Are you alri - " He's seen me now, and the words he was about to speak are taken away from him. He just stands there, staring at me, for what feels like a lifetime. I meet his eyes, and am saddened by what I see there. I see no hint of spark in those green orbs; it's as if the light has been extinguished within. In that moment, I know that nothing happened between him and James. If they had fucked, he would at least have had a slight spark in them somewhere. He returns my gaze, and I see his eyes start to fill with tears; I hope tears of happiness.

"Sy?" Hearing my name fall from his lips, the name only he calls me, is pure bliss. I want him to speak some more, so that I can hear some more of the sultry tones I've missed so much. "What - " he starts, but can't seem to finish the sentence. "How - " he tries, and fails again. Words fail him, just as they fail me.

The next moment, he's directly in front of me and has me pressed against the door. For a second I fear that he is going to throw me out, but the next second, his body is pressed up against mine, his hands are in my hair, and our lips are crashing together. We moan, groan, and pant through our kisses, which are becoming more frenzied by the minute. I fist my hands into his t-shirt, desperate to feel him as close to me as possible. A niggling part of my mind tells me to break away from his lips and tell him that I'm sorry, I love him, I missed him, anything to convey my feelings to him. But a larger part of my mind needs me to continue kissing him. Anything to continue feeling his lips on mine. We could have kissed for minutes, hours, or days, and I wouldn't have known any different. A whole lifetime could have passed, and I wouldn't have cared. I was simply relieved that I wasn't being rejected by him. God knows he has every reason to hate me. I hate myself for what I did to him. We finally break apart, both gasping for air, but he lays his forehead against mine and keeps my body tight against his; neither of us is willing to break the re-newed contact. I finally had my soul mate back again, and I wasn't intending on letting him go ever again.  
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**A/N: I decided to cut this chapter into two parts, since it was getting close to 10,000 words if I kept it as one chapter. Thank you for being patient with me getting this chapter up; I have been tweaking it and re-writing parts for the past week, so I hope you all liked it :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hi all!**

**Hope the last chapter was good enough for you!**

**Let's just kick this straight back where we left off, with our two lovebirds finally reunited again.**

**Hope you like the second part of this chapter!**

**xoxoxo**

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Christian POV (let's relive that kiss one more time):

The visit from James had knocked me out of kilter. In a weird way, it was good to know that there was at least _someone_ out there who wanted me. But, at the same time, I knew that it would never be the same with anyone else. I already knew that, for the rest of my life, there would only be one person I would want; the one person who would never be mine again. I wiped a stray tear from my cheek as I heard a key turn in the lock, silently cursing myself at that moment for letting Tamwar keep his key. At the moment, all I wanted was to curl up and be alone for a while. I was supposed to be meeting Roxy later on, although going out clubbing was the last thing I wanted to do, and I knew that I'd only end up spoiling her night.

"Thought you had to get back? Zainab won't be very pleased when she finds out you're skipping her big restaurant opening to hang out with the village Queen." I bit back the laugh that was threatening to escape from my lips. I had no right to laugh when my world was so depressingly empty of anything good or happy. Nevertheless, I do still hear a weak bounciness to my voice, something which has been absent for the last few months. It takes me aback for a moment, and I wonder what could possibly have caused this dramatic change. It can't be Tamwar; I've seen him most days since Syed left. James… could he be the reason for this change? I suppose I'll always love him, in a way. Was that it? For some reason, I didn't think it was. I suddenly realised that Tamwar hadn't answered me. "Tam? Are you alri - " The breath is suddenly knocked out of me as I find myself faced with not Tamwar, but Syed. The words I was saying are lost to me, and I can do nothing but stare at him, refusing to blink in case this isn't real; in case he isn't really here. Now I know the reason for my unknown happiness. It's as though my body could sense that he was here before my mind knew it. I was unconsciously aware of his presence, and that was what caused the change in me. He meets my eyes expectantly, but the smile in his eyes fades as he does so. I can feel myself falling for him all over again as we stare at one another, my eyes drinking in the sight they thought they had lost forever. I can feel the tears starting to fall down my cheeks - tears of happiness - but I make no move to wipe them away.

"Sy?" I finally find my voice again, and it questions his appearance. I can see him visibly relax as I breathe his name, the shortened version which only I use, and I feel myself relax with him. "What - " I try to form a sentence, but my brain is finding it difficult to function through the happiness which has just suddenly descended upon it. "How - " I try again, but words seem to fail me.

The next instant, I'm pressed up against him, and he is trapped between my body and the door. I see a look of fear and sadness in his eyes but I can't think of why that is right now. Instead, I fist my hands into his hair and pull his lips roughly to meet mine. I moan into his mouth, my kisses becoming more urgent and more frenzied by the second. He responds to my every move, and his own answering groans are music to my ears. This wasn't how it was when I was kissing James. This is right. This is what I've needed for so long now. He balls my t-shirt up into his hands, pulling me impossibly closer to him. For the first time in months, I feel alive again. The electricity flows steadily between us, as if we were never apart. I can feel his relief in his kisses, and I know why he feels it - he thought I must hate him for what he put me through, but the truth is, I couldn't hate him if I tried. I love him so much, and I hope that, now, our love will never have to be ripped apart again.

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Syed POV:

Silently, and with some effort on my part, I move his body away from mine and I wordlessly pull him to the bed, kicking off my shoes and pulling him down with me. We both lie on our sides, snuggled in as close as we can get to one another. He has one arm around my waist while the other hand is laying over my heart, and my hands are cupping his face. For now, the need for kissing is over, and now is the time for looking. I gaze at him, memorizing everything about him that a picture just cannot show. The twinkle of his eyes - which he seems to have regained despite its absence only moments ago. The curve of his lips when he's trying to catch his breath. The multitude of frown lines across his forehead, which he loathes but I love. I capture his gaze with mine, and lovingly stroke his face with the tips of my thumbs as he circles his over my back and chest.

"Are you really here?" he asks, breaking the silence with his rough yet silky sweet voice. "Or am I dreaming again?"

"I'm here," I assure him, pinching his shoulder lightly just to prove my point. "And I am so, so sorry, for everything." My voice breaks, and he wipes a tear away from my cheek as he continues rubbing my back in small, soothing circles.

"It's OK," he reassures me, forgiving me for everything despite all that I've done to him the last few years. "I understand why you did what you did. Speaking of which, how are you here at all? How did you get away from Qadim? Did he - "

"Qadim's dead," I decide to be blunt and straight to the point. I don't want to talk about Qadim any longer than is necessary.

"What?" The surprise is evident on his face and in his voice.

"Yeah, tell me about it," I hear a smile in my voice which I can't even be bothered to hide. He knows how much I hated Qadim, how glad I am that he's dead. "One of his henchmen turned on him, shot him in the head when they were alone one night."

"God, Sy.."

"I know. He had it coming," I couldn't hide the bitterness in my voice. "Qadim got what he deserved." The look on Christian's face was one I could only describe as shock. I knew why he was giving me that look; when we had been together before, I never would have described _anyone_ this way, not even Qadim; I wouldn't have wished death on anyone.

"What did he do to you, Sy?" I shook my head, pecking his lips softly.

"I don't wanna talk about him," I plead with him with my eyes, silently begging him to understand. "I _will_ tell you, I promise. Just, not tonight." He nods at me, and I can see that he understands. I kiss him again, with more strength and passion this time. He responds immediately, and in a matter of moments, our kisses have become heated and fevered, our bodies instinctively moving closer together, even after all these months. I switch positions, so that he is lying on his back and I am hovering over him. I brush some hair out of his eyes and just _look_ at him for a moment. "God, I've missed you," I place kisses along his jaw-line before he stops me.

"I missed you too, Sy," I can feel my heart soar when he mutters those few words. In that moment, I know that James being here earlier meant absolutely nothing to him. He flips us over, so that he's hovering over me, and before I can say anything, his lips are back on mine, our bodies pressed as close together as they can be. My hands automatically lock themselves around his neck, while his tangle themselves into my hair. The positions are remembered and are acted out perfectly. The next moment, buttons are being unfastened, belts unhooked and items of clothing are flying everywhere. We take it slow, savouring the moments that we've missed for so long, enjoying the feeling of just _being_ with each other once again.

xo

Some time later, once our bodies have been reacquainted once again, we lie tangled together in the sheets, sated for now, but knowing that soon we will need the feeling of being together once again. Christian shifts, moving himself to sit up against the headboard and pulling me to sit in-between his legs, one of his favourite positions to sit in before we were torn apart. I pull the duvet up to cover us, link our fingers together and rest our hands on my leg as he kisses the back of my head.

"So, what happens now?" He sounds nervous, and I think I have an idea why. Instead of jumping in feet first, I give him time, knowing that he will eventually tell me what he means. I can feel him sigh in my ear. "I mean, with us?"

I frown slightly. I had thought that it was straightforward, now that Qadim had gone. There was nothing stopping us from being together now.

"Well, I'm here, you're here, we're going to be together," I sound confident in my answer, speaking with conviction, knowing the truth in my words.

"But so much has happened, Sy. What about - "

"What are you saying?" I cut him off, panic cutting into my voice. "You don't want me anymore?"

He unlinks our hands, and I miss the connection instantly, and instinctively panic that there's some truth to my words. He places his hands on my shoulder, spinning me around so he can see me. He brushes the hair out of my eyes, catching my gaze and refusing to let it go.

"You have a son, Sy. I just…I thought that.."

"You thought that I wanted to find myself a nice Muslim woman who would be willing to bring my child up with me," I finish for him. He opens his mouth to speak but I cut across him, shaking my head. "Christian, I don't want - could _never_ want - anyone else but you. I'm going to bring my son up, but I'm going to do it with _you_. If you'll have us, that is."

I can see the glint return to his eyes, the smile on his face taking my breath away instantly.

"I love you, Sy. And I'd love to help you bring your son up."

"_Our_ son, Christian," I correct him, and the smile on his face grows wider The words sound so perfect, so right, that they take my breath away. Me, Christian, here, with our son. I couldn't imagine anything more perfect. I kiss away some of the tears which have fallen from his eyes before finally kissing his lips. "And I love you, too."

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**Merry Christmas to all Chryedians! xoxoxo**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hi all!**

**I had written all of this up last night, but then I was clever and forgot to press the little 'save' button at the bottom of the screen before I changed to another web page. So I'm sorry that this may be a little rushed as it was re-written at 1am, so apologies for any bad spelling/grammar and the like.**

**Also have to apologise for the lack of updates, but Real Life decided to rear its ugly head in a not-too-nice way, and I'm just about getting over that to be able to post and update to this story. **

**This is possibly the last chapter of this story, as I have another idea I'd like to bring to life, and, short of Amira coming back from the dead, I'm starting to run out of drama for this story. But I'll see how it goes. **

**Hope you all enjoy this chapter!**

**xoxoxo**

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Christian POV:

I awoke with a feeling of happiness and a smile on my face, which seemed strange. There was nothing in my life which was worth smiling about. That is, until I remembered. Right on cue, the sheets moved slightly, and I heard a small sigh of contentedness rising from someone other than me. I turned to face him, and was greeted with the sight of Syed's still-sleeping face. He really had come back to me this time. I stared at him for a moment before reaching over and brushing some hair out of his face. Somehow, over the last six months, he had gotten more beautiful, if that were at all possible.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you that it's rude to stare?" A rush of deja vu flooded over me. Syed had said the exact same thing to me a lifetime ago, and my answer was still the same.

"Well, who can blame me, when I have such a beautiful boyfriend to stare at?" The smile on his face widened at the word 'boyfriend', and he closed the almost none-existent distance between us to kiss me.

"Snap," as he deepened the kiss, memories of last night came flooding back to me, and I felt my cock spring to life as I remembered just how dominant Syed had been last night. Something had changed in him during the six months we were apart, and he was no longer the shy man who was unsure of his body. Now, he knew exactly what he wanted, and he knew exactly what he had to do to get it. I knew that he could feel my hardening member digging into his side, and when he pulled away from me, his eyes were glistening wickedly, which only made me harder than I already was. "Well, someone's _up_ with the larks this morning," I grinned back at him, leaning in to kiss him and then pouting when he moved away from me and got out of bed. "I'm going for a shower," I could already feel my mouth watering from the thought of him in the shower, with the water cascading down his body. "Fancy joining me?" I was out of the bed and into the bathroom before he had even moved, the shower switched on and the water flowing before he had even closed the door behind him. I caught his eye, backing myself slowly into the shower, not daring to take my eyes off him for a second. I stepped under the running water, holding my arms out to him, watching him eagerly as he slipped out of his boxers and joined me under the running water. I didn't kiss him, even though every cell in my body was willing me to close the distance between us. Instead, I poured some shower gel into my hand, starting to caress every inch of his skin, working the gel into a lather, enjoying the small moans which would release from his mouth every few seconds. He grabbed the bottle and copied my movements, until we had literally washed each other from head to toe. Eventually, it all got too much for the newly-dominant Syed, and he launched himself at me, taking my lips between his furiously and pushing me back against the wall. I moaned happily, letting him take the lead. He released my mouth to turn me around, and lined himself up at my entrance while he proceeded to kiss and nibble at my neck. I knew the teasing wouldn't last long, knowing that he was as desperate for me as I was for him, and, sure enough, moments later, he had sheathed himself inside me fully. I hissed at the initial pain before pure unadulterated pleasure took over my body. We moaned together as he thrust inside me. He was hard, he was fast, he was rough, but it was perfect. Moments later, he was releasing inside of me at the same time as I was coming around him, and as he collapsed into me, our passion somewhat abated for now, I knew that I was never going to let him go ever again.

xo

Later that morning, once we had found the strength to separate long enough to have breakfast and get dressed, we were lolling on the sofa, our hand entwined, saying nothing and doing nothing in particular, but just _being_. I didn't think that I'd ever get sick of just sitting in silence with Syed, after all that had happened to us. I sighed as my phone started buzzing on the table. I really didn't want to talk to anyone right now, but I knew that whoever it was would just ring back in a minute if I didn't answer. I disentangled myself from Syed and reached across him to answer it, groaning internally as Roxy's name flashed up on screen. She was yelling down the phone at me before I even said 'hello'.

"CHRISTIAN CLARKE, HOW DARE YOU STAND ME UP!" Whoops. I had been so preoccupied with Syed coming back into my life so suddenly that I had completely forgotten that I was supposed to be meeting Roxy.

"Sorry, babe. I was just a bit...busy last night." I looked over at Syed, grinning as he raised an eyebrow at me.

"YOU BETTER NOT HAVE BEEN SITTING AROUND MOPING, CHRISTIAN! YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH OF THAT TO LAST YOU A LIFETIME!" I flinched as she reminded me of how I had been over the last few months, and noticed that Syed had a sad and guilty look on his face. I reached across and cupped his face with my free hand, as a way of comforting him.

"I wasn't, babes, honest. Like I said, I was just a bit...busy," There really was no other word to use. She must have finally understood, because her voice calmed down a little. Well, as calm as it gets when it comes to Roxy.

"Christian Clarke, did you get lucky last night? You did, didn't you?" I returned Syed's grin with my own.

"Might've done."

"OK, I am coming over, I want to hear everything! It's about time you had some action, instead of sitting there moping for months on end!" I laughed at her incredulously. Even after all this time, Roxy clearly didn't know me at all, if she thought I would have been able to sleep with anyone but Syed.

"No, Rox, I'm going to be busy all day, calling old clients, see if they still want this sad old queen to train them. Listen, meet me in the Vic later and I'll tell you all about it." She reluctantly agreed to meet me at 6, and I called Jane, Lucy and Diana and asked them to meet me there, too. Mostly, they just seemed pleased that I was getting out of the flat of my own accord, instead of being dragged out by them. I also managed to convince Syed to come with me, so that they could all see the reason behind my unexpected happiness with their own eyes. Really, it was just so that they could see that I wasn't going mad and just envisioning Syed being there with me.

There was a knock on the door, and I groaned in frustration. I should have known that Roxy wouldn't have been able to keep away. I got up off the sofa with great difficulty - it meant moving more than half an inch away from Syed - and almost wrenched the door off its hinges in my frustration, surprised to be greeted by not Roxy, but a rather dishevelled looking Tamwar.

"Tam," I stepped aside to let him in. "Come in." Syed had moved from his place on the sofa to greet his brother, and as he stepped inside, I noticed for the first time the Moses basket he had in his hand. He dropped the bag of what I supposed were the baby's things before Syed relieved him of the Moses basket.

"Tambo," Syed greeted him, before turning his attention to the baby. "How was he?"

"A little restless at first, but I guess that comes from being with a stranger. He soon settled, though."

"I can't tell you how grateful I am, Tam." Thinking back over last night, I was grateful that Tamwar had taken the baby, too.

"Look, I'd love to stay, but I better get back. Mum's having kittens about the restaurant as it is, and it's only gone nine."

"Course, Tam. And thanks again." The two brothers hugged quickly and Tamwar gave me a swift nod before he left. I watched, entranced, as Syed carefully put the Moses basket down on the table and lifted his son out. I crossed to him, smiling as he cooed over his son. It was amazing, in that moment, watching someone you knew and loved completely transform in front of your eyes because they had their child in their arms. I could already see the strong father-son bond Syed had with him, and it was amazing.

"He's gorgeous, Sy," I breathed, stroking the baby's cheek with my finger gently. "Just like his daddy." Syed beamed at me. "What's his name?"

Syed seemed to deliberate for a moment, which I found odd. Shouldn't a father know his son's name by heart?

"The thing is, Qadim named him Mohammed, a name which he knew I always despised."

"What's it mean?"

"It's the name of one of our prophets. He picked the name because he knew I would look at my son and be reminded of everything that I'd done that went against my faith," he swallowed before continuing. "He picked the name because he knew it would remind me of how it felt to lose you again." I caught a stray tear before it fell down Syed's cheek. Qadim was a bastard, no doubt about that. "I thought of naming him Wajid. It means 'smooth land'." I couldn't think of a more apt name for him. I knew that Syed was hoping, as I was, that our relationship would be a smooth ride from now on, but I still had a doubt niggling in the back of my mind.

"It suits him," I smiled, before I let the seriousness take me over. "But, Sy, seriously. Are you sure about this? I mean, your faith, it vehemently forbids us," I gestured between him and myself to symbolise our relationship. "I mean, isn't it going to make you seem hypocritical, to be teaching this to your son while you're living in sin yourself? It's going to be hard at the best of times, Sy, but when he's able to doubt his faith? I mean - "He cut me off, placing the sleeping Wajid in my arms before I could even register what was happening. He stepped back from me slightly, a smile on his face as he saw me holding his son.

"Christian, I'm looking at the two most important things in the world to me," I had to smile at him then. It made my heart soar. "I know it's going to be hard to bring him up, to teach him about his faith while I'm flouting one of the most basic principles, but if I'm going to do this, then I'm going to do it with _you._ I meant what I said last night; I don't want anyone but you. I want us to bring _our_ son up together, if you'll let me?" I couldn't stop the smile from spreading across my face if I'd wanted to. He moved himself back closer to me again and kissed me lightly, so as not to wake the baby. He wound one arm around my waist and with the other hand cuddled Wajid into us both. In that instant, I knew that this was where I belonged. This was everything I had never knew I had wanted; a life partner and a baby. The old Christian would have run away screaming, but I couldn't have been happier. As I looked down into the eyes of my soul mate and felt the weight of our son in my arms, my life finally felt complete.

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**A/N: The new name for the baby, Wajid, was picked simply because Syed said it in last night's (27/01/11) episode, and because when I looked up the definition, it was just the perfect meaning. **

**Last chapter? One more? Go for the Amira coming back storyline? Any other ideas? Let me know by clicking on that little review button, and making my crappy start to the year feel so much better!**

**xoxoxo**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hi all!**

**I had thought that I was done with this story, but then all of the rumours for the upcoming storyline came out, and I just couldn't resist doing a proposal of my own! **

**This is definitely the last chapter for this story!**

**Hope you enjoy it, and thanks for reading!**

**xoxoxo**

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Syed POV:

Being back with Christian was just pure bliss. The flat was strangely quiet without his presence. Although neither of us had wanted to be apart today, he had realised that he didn't have anything in, and had had to pop out to the Minute Mart. I was back, lying on our bed, breathing in the scent of the man I had missed for so long, when I heard Wajid starting to stir in his Moses Basket. We would get him a proper cot eventually, when we got the spare room sorted out and turned into a nursery, but neither me nor Christian had the strength to bother starting that right now. We just wanted to spend some time together, and catch up on things we had missed in the last few months. I made my way over to him, picking him up and shushing him, breathing in his new baby smell.

"Hey, little man," I half-whispered to him. "Don't cry, Daddy's here. And your Dad will be back in no time at all." I cradled him as I carried him around the flat, heading over to the window and peering out. The usual market bustle was in full swing now, and I saw the faces of all the Square's residents I once knew. No doubt most of them wouldn't care where I'd been or what I'd been doing for the last six months, but some of them might, out of pure concern for Christian. I realised with a start that I had never really made an effort to befriend any of the locals, before realising that I didn't really need anyone. As long as I had Christian and Wajid, that was all that mattered to me. A smile crept across my face as I made out Christian's form across the street. He was trying to get rid of Kim Fox, who was harrassing him, and get back to us as quickly as he could. I opened the flat door for him, noticing that he had one too many carrier bags to be able to manage very well. I settle myself on the sofa and turn the TV on, trying to act as though I haven't been waiting for his return ever since he walked out the door.

"Hey babe," I hear his greeting, and I know that all of my pretence has flown out the window as I turn to face him with the biggest smile on my face. He deposits the shopping on the table and leans over the sofa to give me a kiss, before vaulting over it to sit next to me. "Now then, little man," he takes the now-quiet Wajid from me, gently cradling him with one arm while his other arm wraps around my shoulders. "Have you been behaving for your Daddy?" I smiled, not able to believe how quickly we have slipped back into the comfortableness of us, even with the addition of a new family member.

"He's been good as gold, although he's missed his Dad," as I say it, I know that he knows that Wajid is not the only one who missed his presence. He smiles softly at me, passing Wajid back to me as he goes to sort the shopping.

"You'll have to forgive me, Sy," he says, and I throw him a questionning look. "I really couldn't be bothered to cook, so I went and got us something from the chippy. Even though I do despise putting money into Ian's pocket." I laugh at him, putting Wajid back into his Moses Basket before going and wrapping my arms around Christian's waist.

"I don't see the point in wasting time cooking, anyway," I tell him, and I can tell that my voice is husky. "Not when I can think of much better things we could be doing..."

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Christian POV:

I was in the pub, waiting for Diana, Roxy and Jane to appear. I really hadn't wanted to leave Syed, not even for a second, but I knew that this was something I had to do. To prove to them, not just to myself, that Syed really was back here, with me. I looked up as the door opened, and Roxy practically ran to where I was sitting in the corner. I sighed internally as she sat herself next to me, knowing that she would bug me for details from now until the second Syed walked through the door.

"Christian!" her voice was loud, excitable. It had begun. "Come on, I want details! Who is he? Where did you meet him? You've been cooped up in your flat for so long, it's good to see you getting out and about! Why didn't you tell me you were going on the pull? I'd have come with you!" I thrust her drink towards her hand, more to shut her up for five seconds than anything else, but was saved as that moment, Jane and Diana chose to walk through the door.

"Christian!" Jane seemed just as pleased as Roxy to see me, and I leaned across Roxy to peck her lips and pass her her drink. "I was so happy when you called me!"

"Good to see you out and about and clean-shaven, old man!" Diana sat down at my other side, and I ruffled her hair playfully. "Dad!" she scowled at me. Diana had started calling me 'Dad' a couple of months back, and at the time, I really couldn't have cared less. Now, I had to admit that I kinda liked it. The questions had started again, and I could barely hear myself think over all the noise they were making.

"Alright!" I all but yell at them, surprised when they do actually calm down. "Now, I know I've been all horrible and depressed lately, and I am sorry for putting you all through that...again," I add as an afterthought to Jane and Roxy, who had seen me like that before, the first time Syed had left me. "But things are starting to get back on track for me now, and I'm hoping that those days are behind me now..for good." The jabbering started in earnest now, and just as I was about to ruin everything by telling them all to shut up, I saw Syed's beautiful head poke through the crowd, and I felt the smile on my face grow wide. Roxy, Jane and Diana all had their backs to him, but they saw the smile which crept across my face, and I could see Roxy practically vibrating with excitement beside me. I practically lept to my feet, taking Syed's hands in mine and practically snogging his face off before anyone else could even say or do anything. When I finally parted from his lips, I could feel the glares of disbelief behind me, and I turned to face my jury, flashing Syed an apologetic smile first.

No one spoke for a good few minutes, and I felt Syed's hand shyly link with mine, squeezing my fingers tight.

"Syed.." Jane was the first to speak. She breathed his name with such distrust and dislike that I was a little taken aback at first. I returned the pressure of Syed's fingers with my own, determined to show him - and them - that I wasn't going anywhere.

"Jane?" I knew that I sounded a little pathetic and needy, but the approval of my sister was important to me, after everything we'd been through together. "Come on, I thought you'd be happy for me?" I unlinked my hand from Syed's, instead placing my arm around his shoulders, pulling him in close. "I've finally got him back, everything's gonna be ok now."

"He broke your heart, Christian! And not just once, but again and again and again. How can you trust him, let him back into your life again, after all that?"

"Jane's right, Christian," I looked over at Roxy, who was pleading at me with her eyes. Pleading at me to see sense and let him go. "How can you trust him after all that he's done?"

"I love him, Rox. Why can't any of you understand that?" I glanced around at my 'friends', hardly able to believe what I was hearing.

"I know that I've let Christian down in the past," Syed's voice piped up from beside me. "But I've never intentionally set out to hurt him."

"You don't need to explain yourself to them, Sy," I tell him. Neither of us needs to explain ourselves to them. If they can't see how much we love each other, and if they can't be happy for us, then it's their problem, not ours.

"No, I do, Christian," he steps forward, away from me, making it clear just who he is addressing. "I know that you all love Christian, but you all have to believe that I love him too. I never set out to hurt him, and I am so sorry that I have. I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to him, if he'll have me," he turned to smile at me, and I could do nothing but smile back. "Now, I don't know what Christian told you about the...circumstances which caused me to leave, but I can assure all of you that if there had been any way around it, any way I could have stayed here with the man I love, I would have done it in a heartbeat." He shrugs his shoulders in that sweet little way that I'd almost forgotten. "Now, I never wanted to leave, but my hand was forced. I don't want to go into specifics right now, but please know that it was the last thing I ever wanted." He stepped back, linking his fingers through mine again. "All you really need to know right now is that I'm back, and this time, I'm here until he orders me away from him." He looks up into my eyes, and I can see the sincerity in them. For a moment, I get lost in him, and it's all I can do to force myself back to reality.

"Never," I assure him, and his answering smile is breathtaking. "Now," I turn back to the others. "Are we going to be able to enjoy our drinks in a civilised atmosphere, or..."

"I'm sorry, Christian. Syed," Jane give him a slight nod of her head. "I just...You're my brother, and I don't want to see you get hurt again." I nod in recognition of her concern.

"I know you don't, Jane. But, trust me, I won't get hurt again." I smile softly at her and give her a little hug, sitting back down next to her and pulling Syed into me.

We sat in our uncomfortable truce for a while, Syed politely inquiring about what everyone had been up to while he'd been away, trying to (I observed happily) build the foundations of some sort of relationship with my daughter, all the while his body never losing contact with mine. Being forced out of my life so completely had changed Syed so much; he was no longer the shy man who was uncomfortable with pubic displays of affection, instead it seemed that no display of affection would ever be enough for him to show everyone how he felt. How we both felt.

xoxox

We arrived back at our flat sometime later, thanking Tamwar for once again stepping into the breach and babysitting Wajid. We took it in turns showering before finally collapsing together on the sofa in our dressing gowns; Syed was grateful that I hadn't had the heart to throw any of his things away. Syed was cradling Wajid in his arms, and I pulled them both gently into my own arms, my hands coming to rest on top of Syed's. Nothing had ever felt more right to me than this moment. I turned Syed's head towards mine, giving him the sweetest of kisses which seemed to last for an eternity. The world could have ended, and we wouldn't have noticed or cared. The kiss wasn't pressing or urgent, or a suggestion that we needed to be doing anything more than sitting here holding our son. It was a kiss of love, of promises to stay with each other forever, of just how much we meant to one another. When we finally broke for some much needed air, I pressed my forehead against Syed's in a familiar gesture, holding his gaze with mine.

"Marry me," I didn't even know that I was thinking the words until I'd said them out loud. I was so caught up in the moment of just being us that all sense of thinking-before-you-speak went flying out of the window. But, as I said the words out loud, I realised that this was the only thing that could make our life more perfect than it already was. I didn't need a declaration of Syed's undying love for me, didn't need him to prove to the world that he was committed to me, but it just felt like the next logical step in our relationship. I didn't know why it hadn't occurred to me sooner, before Qadim had taken him away from me.

Syed pulled back from me a little, not saying anything but looking deep into my eyes, as though he could see right into my soul. He probably could. I'd just laid it out there for him to see, not concerned in the slightest about what might happen to me when I made myself this vulnerable in front of him. I panicked for a moment, thinking that I'd brought it up too soon, or that it was something that Syed just wouldn't be able to reconcile with his faith, bu I needn't have worried. The next moment, Syed's face broke into a breathtaking smile, and before I could speak, his lips were re-attached to mine, and he was deepening the kiss we had just finished minutes earlier. I felt his tongue curl around mine and instinctively moaned into his mouth. It was difficult to get too into this kiss though, with the sleeping Wajid cradled in Syed's arms, and I regrettably pulled away before either of us got too carried away.

"I take it that's a 'yes', then?" I asked, the biggest grin on my face. He returned my smile in kind, turning away for a second to place Wajid back into his Moses Basket before taking my hands in his.

"Of course it's a 'yes', you muppet!" He laughed, and I pulled him in for a bone crushing embrace. He pulled back from me after a moment to look me in the eyes. "I love you, Christian. So, so much."

"I love you, Sy," I couldn't stop the butterflies from fluttering in my stomach as I pulled him in for another kiss. This kiss wasn't like the others; it was full of intent and heavy with passion. In the next moment, we were on our feet, moving toward the bed - _our _bed - clothes being tugged and pulled before being flung across the flat, both of us careful not to toss them in the direction of the baby. That night, out lovemaking was slow, soft and tender, filled with the promise of forever.

THE END

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**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has taken an interest in this story, and I hope this ending is OK for you!**


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